The Eagles -- "Take It Easy"

Man, come on, I had a rough night, and I hate the fucking Eagles.

Actually, it seems to me like the Eagles are the kind of band that when they come on the radio, you'll be like, "Oh yeah, this is a good song," and you probably won't change the station. However, you'll never be like "Oh wow, I'd really love to hear an Eagles jam right now!" or "Hey guys, I erected a small shrine to the Eagles in my basement that includes DNA samples from each band member so that once we have the technology, we can clone them all and force the clones to play live shows for us every night!" Not that I've done that for any bands or anything.

So, yeah, I think the Eagles are pretty cool and can be enjoyed by children of all ages, but they've never done anything that really blows me away. So why am I blogging about them? Your guess is as good as mine.

Well, I'm runnin’ down the road tryin' to loosen my load

Uh, OK, not off to a good start here. I get it, you* have worries and troubles and stuff. But I need some clarification on what, specifically, you are doing. "Runnin' down the road" -- are you jogging? That seems like an OK way to take your mind off your problems. But I don't think you're jogging. Are you running away from something or someone? Neither of those things seem like good ways to "take it easy." I think maybe you're actually driving a car, based on subsequent lyrics.

Also, how does one "loosen" one's load, exactly? Did you mean "lighten my load"? I would think loosening your load, especially if you're driving, would be a bad idea.

Or, maybe you're just constipated.

* You = Jackson Browne and Glenn Frey, who co-wrote this song, I guess.

I've got seven women on my mind / Four that wanna own me, two that wanna stone me, one says she's a friend of mine

It's a love octagon! Seriously, if you really want to take it easy, friend, you might want to simplify your love life a little. Also, two different women want to "stone" you? I'm guessing you mean throw rocks at you, not smoke marijuana, because smoking marijuana might be the quintessential way to take it easy.

Did you know there's a board game called "Take It Easy"? It's true!

That box makes the game look sort of complicated, though, not easy.

Take it easy, take it easy / Don't let the sound of your own wheels / Drive you crazy

Yeah, I mean, if the sound of your *wheels* is driving you crazy, I think you definitely need to take it easy. Like, maybe by checking into a mental institution. Unless you have like a bad axle or something and it's making some sort of clunking sound, in which case it's probably justified. What was I talking about?

Lighten up while you still can / Don't even try to understand / Just find a place to make your stand / And take it easy

"Lighten up" here could easily be "loosen up." Why don't we just agree to swap the words "loosen" and "lighten" in this song? I think it would make the world a better place. If Obama can win the Nobel Peace Prize for shaking hands with some Egyptian dude or whatever, I can probably make a good case based on this, right? Oooohhhh, did I just get political?! Oh, snap!

Well, I'm a standing on a corner in Winslow, Arizona

I have to say, you know a band has made it when a throwaway line in one of its songs inspires a full-blown tourist attraction. Although I'm not really sure how exciting this could actually be. It's like going to see the Abbey Road street crossing -- you go there and say, "Yup, there it is," and then maybe take a couple pictures and leave, because really in the end, it's just a crosswalk. I would imagine the corner in Winslow would be even less interesting, because the Beatles were actually at the street crossing at one point, and the Beatles are a much more interesting band than the Eagles.

Take that, Arizona Office of Tourism!
This message sponsored by the New Mexico Tourism Department.

Such a fine sight to see / It's a girl, my Lord, in a flatbed Ford slowin' down to take a look at me / Come on, baby, don't say maybe / I gotta know if your sweet love is gonna save me / We may lose and we may win but we will never be here again / So open up, I'm climbin' in, take it easy

Yeah, let's add another woman to the mix. That ought to make your life easier.

Also, "come on, baby, don't say maybe" is a terrible lyric.

Also, does "open up, I'm climbin' in" warrant the "creepiness" tag? I think we all know the answer to that question.

Well I'm running down the road trying to loosen my load, got a world of trouble on my mind / Been lookin' for a lover who won't blow my cover, she's so hard to find

You're actually a spy? Again, I hate to be a Critical Carl here, but that doesn't seem like a profession conducive to taking it easy.

OK, so the rest of the song is mostly just a lot of "ooh, ooh, ooh"-ing and stuff.

Hey, how many other bands can you think of that are named after birds? There's the Jayhawks, the Dodos (sub-category: extinct birds), Department of Eagles, Doves, and, of course, the Byrds. It seems like there should be a lot more, but I'm not coming up with any off the top of my head ...