Journey -- "Any Way You Want It"

This is like shooting fish in a barrel.

Any way you want it / That's the way you need it

I mean, this is basically the entire song. After parsing this awkward syntax, I believe the message here is that one should be able to have whatever one wants, regardless of the consequences. Of course, we're talking about sex because this song is from the '80s, but I like to think that the message also applies to things like bank robberies and paying taxes. I think Steve Perry probably has read this book and voted for this guy. Or, maybe he's just horny.

She loves to laugh / She loves to sing / She does everything / She loves to move / She loves to groove / She loves the lovin' things

OK, message received, loud and clear. This girl is a groupie, or perhaps a prostitute, who is willing to fulfill Steve Perry's weirdest sexual fantasies. Excellent job rhyming "move" and "groove" here, but "she loves the lovin' things?" Wtf??

Ooh, all night, all night / Oh, every night / So hold tight, hold tight / Ooh, baby, hold tight

Ah, now we make with the lovin' things. Nice. Hmm? What's that you say? You want to imagine Steve Perry singing this song while dressed as Robocop? That's so weird, because .... gaaah!!!!


I was alone / I never knew / What good love could do / Ooh, then we touched / Then we sang /About the lovin' things

I think it is safe to say that there are three schools of thought on these lyrics:

1. The narrator is a hopeless virgin who is being seduced by an older woman -- this definitely explains the clear lack of knowledge of sexual terminology.
2. The narrator is a simple robotic police officer who has never known the simple human emotion of love or the true meaning of the phrase "lovin' things."
3. The narrator is Steve Perry, and the lyrics are just awesomely bad.

I totally hope it's #2.