Meat Loaf -- I'd Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That)

Ahhh. What have I gotten myself into?

OK, I wasn't going to do a preamble for this one, because it is so long, so very long (that's what she said), but Wikipedia has so many juicy little tidbits to tantalize me. So here they are, bulleted:

• This song reached number one in twenty-eight countries, the first being Australia on September 4, 1993, where it stayed for 8 weeks, becoming the highest selling single of the year there. It stayed at number one for seven weeks in the United Kingdom and was also the biggest seller of the year in that country.
• Quote from Jim Steinman, who wrote this song for Meat Loaf: "It sort of is a little puzzle and I guess it goes by - but they're all great things. 'I won't stop doing beautiful things and I won't do bad things.' It's very noble. I'm very proud of that song because it's very much like out of the world of Excalibur. To me, it's like Sir Lancelot or something - very noble and chivalrous. That's my favorite song on the record - it's very ambitious."
• Michael Bay directed the video (!)
• In the UK, it topped the singles chart, becoming the longest running song on top there since The Beatles' hit "Hey Jude." (!!)
• Meat Loaf himself appeared in a 2009 A1 Steak Sauce commercial singing a rendition of the song. It was also featured in an Egyptian McDonald's commercial, featuring a similar scenario, however the boyfriend essentially chases his girlfriend away so he can indulge in a Big Mac combo. (?!&@^)!@)

OK, good. Let's get down to it!

And I would do anything for love, I'd run right into hell and back / I would do anything for love, I'll never lie to you and that's a fact

I dunno, this sounds pretty good, but running right into hell and back actually sounds sort of fun. I mean, if you have some sort of relationship with the lords of the underworld as Meat Loaf clearly does. You can just run in real quick, say your hellos, and then dash on back, and hey, nobody is any worse for the wear, and then you have a great story to tell at parties. "Hey, did I ever tell you about the time I visited Hades itself and lo found myself strip'd bare before the throne of Satan himself? Funny story..." Kind of like when you are in a sauna and you run out and roll around in the snow for a second and then run right back into the sauna.

Not lying? Ever? Now that's difficult. Sign me up for running right into hell.

But I'll never forget the way you feel right now / Oh no - no way - and I would do anything for love, oh, I would do anything for love, I would do anything for love / But I won't do that, no I won't do that

"I'll never forget the way you feel right now" is a weird thing to say.

And some days it don't come easy, some days it don't come hard / Some days it don't come at all, and these are the days that never end

Trying ... not ... to .... make .... dick .... joke .... haaargrghgggglftz

Some nights you're breathing fire / Some nights you're carved in ice / Some nights you're like nothing I've ever seen before, or will again

I wish this line was literally true. I imagine Meat Loaf coming home, dressed in a firefighter's outfit, with like one of those big flame retardant shields, and then seeing his beloved and being all like "Oh, fuck, she's carved in ice tonight. Better break out the parka and the blowtorch." Why didn't he just make a little schedule for the refrigerator with three columns so he would know which weird thing she was going to be that night? Bad planning, Meat Loaf. Didn't you learn anything at Wharton?

And maybe I'm crazy, oh it's crazy and it's true / I know you can save me, no one else can save me now but you

I wish my local newspaper (The Bumwad County Bimonthly Gazette & Mirror) carried a lighthearted feature called "Crazy & True!"

As long as the planets are turning, as long as the stars are burning / as long as your dreams are coming true / you better believe it!

Planets turning? Check. Stars burning? Roger that. Dreams coming true? Fuck!

This is like one of those lottery tickets where you always get everything you need except one thing, so you feel like, oh shit, I was SO CLOSE! And then you buy another lottery ticket and another, until you have exhausted your life savings and have to go home and tell your wife that you were abducted by aliens (AGAIN, wtf is going on, so weird, am I right, sweetie?) and it's time to pack up and move over to the next town again.

Those kind of lottery tickets exist, right? I wouldn't know because I live in American Samoa and lottery tickets are fashioned from giant blocks of granite and weigh 12 tons here so nobody buys them.

That I would do anything for love, And I'll be there 'til the final act / I would do anything for love, and I'll take a vow and seal a pact

OK, OK, I believe you! You would do anything for love. I believe you, Meat Loaf! Case closed. Send in the dancing bears.

But I'll never forgive myself if we don't go all the way tonight / I would do anything for love! But I won't do that, no I won't do that...

Wait, what? You haven't even gone all the way yet? Loser.

Seriously, though, I don't really want to get too deep into what "that" is, because it's kind of a fool's errand but, what is he talking about here? In my opinion he can only be talking about oral sex. Right? Or having a threesome with a wolf. I wouldn't do that either. That's just gross. And dangerous.

I would do anything for love / Anything you've been dreaming of / But I just won't do that...

Yeah, I mean, at the end of the song we are supposed to believe that not doing "that" means not cheating on her and/or leaving her. So how do these verses make sense? If he said "and" instead of "but" it would sort of make sense although it would be a bit superfluous and kind of weirdly defensive but ... argh. Why are you making me do this, Meat Loaf? I said I wasn't going to do it. I said I wouldn't do that!

Some days I pray for silence / And some days I pray for a soul / Some days I just pray to the god of sex and drums and rock 'n' roll

Irrelevant.

Maybe I'm lonely, and that's all I'm qualified to be / There's just one and only, one and only promise I can keep

I kind of like the first line here. Hey, did I mention the video for this song is totally bizarre and just completely batshit insane? I like at the end when the cops show up with their flashlights for no apparent reason.

As long as the wheels are turning, as long as the fires are burning / As long as your prayers are coming true, you better believe it

Wheels turning? I mean, I guess so, in a way. Fires burning? Sure, why not. Prayers coming true? Aaaagh! Fuckshit! Give me another one of them Monster Megabillions, and hey, throw in a Dollar Blaster Extreme and maybe one of those Bucket O' Golds.

That I would do anything for love / And you know it's true and that's a fact / I would do anything for love and there'll never be no turning back

But I'll never do it better than I do it with you / So long, so long / I would do anything for love, I would do anything for love, I would do anything for love, I would do anything for love, but I wont do that, I wont do that!

Oh my god, this song is ridiculous.

Watch Meat Loaf break it down right here!

I would do anything for love, anything you've been dreaming of, but I just won't do that...

Fun fact! Meat Loaf's given name is Marvin Lee Aday. Check out the abundance of bizarre names in this truncated Wikipedia tidbit: "Meat Loaf was born as Marvin Lee Aday. He was the first child of Wilma Artie (née Hukel), a school teacher and a member of the Vo-di-o-do Girls gospel quartet, and Orvis Wesley Aday, a police officer. Marvin and his mother would drive around to all the bars in Dallas, looking for Orvis to take him home. Because of this, Marvin often stayed with his grandmother, Charlsee Norrod."

And, look at this weirdness!



But I'll never stop dreaming of you / Every night of my life - no way / I would do anything for love, but I won't do that, no I won't do that!

The vocalist in this next part is not Stoney, as much as Meat Loaf probably wishes it was.

Female vocals : Will you raise me up? Will you help me down? Will you get me right out of this godforsaken town? Will you make it all a little less cold?

This must be one of those nights when she's carved in ice.

Meat Loaf : I can do that! / I can do that!

More things that Meat Loaf can do! Yaaaaay!

Female vocals: Will you cater to every fantasy I got? Will you hose me down with holy water if I get too hot? Will you take me places I've never known?

Did the Vatican ever weigh in on this song? I think filling a hose with holy water and indiscriminately spraying it at some horny temptress is probably a little bit sacrilegious.

Meat Loaf: I can do that! I can do that!

I want to just recap all the things that Meat Loaf can (or would) do.

• run right into hell and back
• never lie to her (and that's a fact)
• never forget the way she feels right now
• be there 'til the final act
• take a vow and seal a pact
• anything she's been dreaming of
• never stop dreaming of her
  
• raise her up
• help her down
• get her right out of this godforsaken town
• make it all a little less cold
• cater to every fantasy she's got
• hose her down with holy water (if she gets too hot)
• take her places she's never been

But still he won't do that! It has to be a threesome with a wolf, right?

Female vocal: After a while you'll forget everything / It was a brief interlude, and a midsummer night's fling/ and you'll see that it's time to move on

And still she's not convinced. He promised to hose you down with holy water, stolen from inside the gates of hell, despite the fact that the Pope has specifically forbidden him to do so! Doesn't that count for anything?

Meat Loaf: I won't do that! / I won't do that!

And he said he won't do it! OK? Good enough?

Female vocal: I know the territory, I've been around, It'll all turn to dust and we'll all fall down, sooner or later you'll be screwing around

Jesus. You are such a bitch.

Meat Loaf: I won't do that! No, I won't do that!

And Meat Loaf, you are a pussy.

Anything for love, I would do anything for love / I would do anything for love, but I won't do that, I won't do that

There you have it, folks! He won't do that. Whatever it is. I guess we can rule out "star in an A1 Steak Sauce commercial" but other than that it's really pretty murky.

Wow. That was exhausting. Good thing I didn't analyze the full version of the song. I'm serious. It's really like 12 minutes long. 7.5 minutes apparently is not enough time to convince us that he will not, in fact, do that.

Loverboy -- "Working for the Weekend"

If the only funny part of this whole post is the picture below, then I think I've done my job.


See? Told you.

Why is the tip of the middle finger so red? It's like he tied a rubber band around it, or put a little tiny condom on it or something. Let's sincerely hope it's not the latter.

Wikipedia: "The popular Canadian teen drama Degrassi: The Next Generation, which is known for naming each episode after an 80s hit song, named an episode after this song." Whaaaa? Am I the only blogger who has a blog devoted to making fun of songs that are for the most part from the '80s who wasn't aware of this?

This calls for another gratuitous picture of somebody's ass.

Oh! Here's a full episode guide. I guess that other Wikipedia page wasn't kidding, although it looks like they didn't really commit to naming every episode after a song until Season 2, unless there are popular '80s songs called "Basketball Diaries" and "Family Politics" and "Parents' Day" that I am unaware of.

And no, I didn't expect to be Googling "degrassi the next generation episode guide" tonight, thank you very much.

Hey, have you ever heard of this band Loverboy? Like Degrassi: The Next Generation, they are Canadian. What a happy coincidence. Apparently "Working for the Weekend" was their follow-up to the smash hit "The Kid Is Hot Tonite."

Here's a list of bands and artists mentioned on Loverboy's Wikipedia page, in its entirety:
* Cheap Trick
* ZZ Top
* Def Leppard
* Kansas
* Journey
* Judas Priest
* Jon Bon Jovi
* Richie Sambora
* Bryan Adams
* Brian MacLeod (?)
* Enrique Iglesias
* Foreigner

That seems about right.

Fun fact! In 2000, Loverboy bassist Scott Smith was declared dead after being lost at sea!

Another fact: Loverboy has won the most all time "Juno Awards," which is a thing that a) I have never heard of and b) is apparently like the Canadian equivalent of a Grammy.

So, my question is, really? Come on, Canada! I was going to go on a tirade about like Neil Young and Joni Mitchell and Gordon Lightfoot and Rush and plenty of other fine Canadian musicians whose names are not coming to mind, but it appears the Junos, while they officially began in 1970, have a sort of spotty history and at one point may have been solely devoted to classical music, but, all that being said, even so, really?! Loverboy??

By the way, my train of thought while writing this post has somehow led me to start downloading George Michael songs. What?

Ok, time for some anticlimactic lyrics ...

Everyone's watching, to see what you will do / Everyone's looking at you, ooh

I'm not sure what to say about these lyrics. They seem to just be nonsense. There are two verses in the song, and an eight-line chorus, and none of them appear to be at all related to each other.

Everyone's wondering, will you come out tonight? / Everyone's trying to get it right, get it right

Still not sure what to say.

Everybody's working for the weekend / Everybody wants a new romance / Everybody's goin' off the deep end / Everybody needs a second chance, oh

These lyrics are nice, and fun, but what do they have to do with the first verse we just saw?
Also, first eight lines all start with either "everyone" or "everybody."

'Cause I gotta have faith / Ooh, I gotta have faith

Whoops, sorry about that.

You want a piece of my heart / You better start from the start / You wanna be in the show / Come on, baby, let's go

Again, what? What show? Who is he talking to? Who is he? (Besides awesomely named lead singer Mike Reno, that is.)

"Start from the start"?

Where am I?

Everyone's looking to see if it was you / Everyone wants you to come through

Mike Reno sounds a little bit like Geddy Lee here. Canada!

Everyone's hoping it'll all work out / Everyone's waiting, they're holding out

Yep. That's the whole song. Is there any rational way to link all these random lyrics together? Is this a trenchant social commentary on American society, as legions of workers whose souls were crushed to powder long ago trudge to factories or cubicles, fooling themselves into thinking they are "working for the weekend" when their weekends really consist of just more mind-numbing monotony, just in front of the TV instead of the Excel spreadsheet or the ... uh ... wall of the coal mine, or whatever it is they look at all day at work? And, the rambling and nonsensical lyrics are meant to be emblematic of the pointlessness of this inexorable march toward death?

Goddam Canucks always thinking they're better than us ... well I'll show ... zzzzzzzzzz.

Steve Perry -- "Oh Sherrie"

Awesomely Bad Lyrics, Vol. XL: In which Steve Perry rubs up suggestively against a wrought-iron balcony.

So after watching the video, in which said rubbing transpires, I was thinking, "Oh boy, this is just another bizarre, poorly conceived rock video that consists basically just of a bunch of random images and scenes that make no sense." Which is true.

But! There is a longer version that makes perfect sense and is actually sort of clever and mildly entertaining. I suppose it had to be cut down for MTV, in which case, worst editing job EVER because it is basically impossible to understand what's going on without the context that's removed.

Also, I really love how the YouTube label for the shorter version makes it seem as if it is a song by Journey called "Oh Sherry (Steve Perry)."

You should've been gone knowing how I made you feel / And I should've been gone after all your words of steel

Coming soon from Roget's: "WORDS OF STEEL"!!!! This ain't your grandpa's thesaurus!!!

Oh/ I must've been a dreamer / and I must've been someone else / And we should've been over

OK, I'm sensing a theme here. Sherrie should've been gone AND you should've been gone AND you must've been a dreamer AND you must've been someone else AND your relationship should've been over. That's a lot of strikes against this blessid union of souls. So, ipso facto, there must be some amazing reason that this partnership should, against all odds, work out. I can't wait to hear it!

Oh Sherrie, our love holds on, holds on / Oh, Sherrie, our love holds on, holds on

Uh. OK. Well, that's not a reason. Just ... a thing. Good old Steve Perry must just be building anticipation for the big reveal, though. What a storyteller!

While we're waiting, did you know the girl in the video is actually Sherrie? Sherrie Swafford. She was Steve Perry's girlfriend when he wrote the song.

I want to let go, you'll go on hurtin' me

More bad stuff. You are really building a strong case for ending this relationship, Steve. (Keep in mind also that Sherrie is a real person who he was romantically involved with when he wrote this song. How would you have felt if you were Sherrie and you heard this little ditty? I would've felt bad. Steve Perry likes to make people feel bad.)

You'd be better off alone if I'm not who you thought I'd be

OK, more bad stuff (I think). But I have a feeling that we're about to find out just what it is that makes these two tick!

But you know that there's a fever

(leans in closely) Uh-huh???

oh

(cocks head in anticipation)

that you'll never find nowhere else

(braces for inevitable disappointment) And?

Can't you feel it burnin' - on and on?

That's it, folks! That's why Steve Perry and Sherrie Swafford continue to date despite overwhelming evidence that they should not: "There's a fever" (where?) that she will "never find nowhere else." (Which, I guess, means that Steve Perry *can* find the fever? What a fucking arrogant bastard.)

Surprise! Steve and Sherrie broke up in 1985, the year after this song came out. Now, nearly a quarter-century later, when you search for "sherrie swafford bio" on Google, the first page that comes up is called "Steve Perry's Biography." So, that must make her feel really good. Are you happy, Perry? Are you?!

Oh Sherrie, our love holds on, holds on

You son of a bitch.

But I should've been gone long ago, far away

Why are you still singing?

And you should've been gone / now I know just why you stay

Because Steve Perry is such a sexy bastard, and he sings like an angel and is utterly irresistible to every man, woman, child, and beast of the field. Right? Right?!?!

Douchebag.

CODA: Apparently after he and Sherrie broke up, Steve Perry wrote an explanation of why it happened on his Web site. It's ineloquent, but clearly heartfelt and sort of touching. It makes me feel bad that I just made fun of him and called him names.

Steve Perry likes to make people feel bad.

Asshole.

REO Speedwagon -- "Can't Fight This Feeling"

Oh YouTube, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

1. This video is, I believe, the original video for this song. It's kind of nice ... straightforward shots of the band playing the song, bookended by a montage of Kevin Cronin trying to get the key right, and a part at the end where the entire band collapses into a giggling fit for no apparent reason and Cronin says "That warms the cockles of my cockles!" which is a funny thing to say. The band comes off as pretty likeable, even though the part at the beginning was clearly staged after the fact.

2. Here's the alternate version of the video, which is totally creepy and unintentionally hilarious! Lots of intriguing facial expressions and outdated haircuts to choose from. Also, I totally want the sweatshirt that the teenaged version of the fictional person who ages throughout the video is wearing at around the 1:38 mark.

3. And then there's this, which is also vaguely creepy (mostly because of the Brokeback Mountain images mixed in with all the Disney ones) and oddly hypnotizing.

And, if you really want to dig deep into this song's videography, there are some other funny karaoke-style videos with weird pictures. (What is the deal with the pictures that accompany karaoke songs? They are always just so bizarre. Is it an Asian cultural-divide thing? Who picks these images? I need to know these things.)

I can't fight this feeling any longer / And yet I'm still afraid to let it flow / What started out as friendship has grown stronger / I only wish I had the strength to let it show

So yeah, Kevin Cronin knows a girl, and I guess they are friends, and she wants to be more than friends. He was reluctant to embrace this concept but is now coming around.

I tell myself that I can't hold out forever / I say there is no reason for my fear

OK, we get the point. You're afraid, you have no strength, you have fear, etc. Are you playing for our sympathy? Mission not accomplished.

Wait a minute ... wait just a cotton-pickin' minute. Take these first three stanzas here and then think about Brokeback Mountain ... maybe that YouTube video had a point. Maybe those Disney images were just meant to throw us off the trail here. Could it be that Kevin Cronin posted that video himself, trying to send a message to the world as a desperate cry for help???

Wait, am I making Brokeback Mountain jokes?

'Cause I feel so secure when we're together / You give my life direction, you make everything so clear

That sounds really nice, Kevin. Why are you trying to fight this feeling? Seriously. Just let it flow, pal. Do what feels right. Take that "fishing trip."

And even as I wander I'm keeping you in sight

Kevin Cronin has somehow acquired a Predator drone.

You're a candle in the window on a cold dark winter's night / And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might

This is boring.

And I can't fight this feeling anymore / I've forgotten what I started fighting for

Because you were afraid of being ostracized by a society that is still unwilling to accept a love between two men, no matter how secure you feel or how much your lover reminds you of a candle. Remember?

It's time to bring this ship in to the shore / And throw away the oars forever

I'm fine with bringing the ship in to the shore, but do you really need to throw away the oars? Forever? That just seems rash. Can't you just pretend to throw away the oars as a symbolic gesture, but then, in the dead of night, retrieve them and hide them away someplace safe? Just in case you need them sometime in the future? I mean, the ship is still going to be there. And then someday you will be like, "Hey, there's my old ship! Might be nice to take it for a spin. Now what did I do with those oars? Oh, fuck!"

Of course, the oars in this case are actually Kevin Cronin's testicles.

'Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore / I've forgotten what I've started fighting for

But I just ... told you ...

And if I have to crawl upon the floor / Or come crashing through your door / Baby I can't fight this feeling anymore

I like the two scenarios that Kevin comes up with for how to win this dude's heart. I'm imagining him supplicating himself, but that ends up being a turnoff. So he's all like, "Oh, wait a minute, I have to go get something out of my car," and walks out the door, then turns around and smashes right through it, leaving a Kool Aid guy-style cutout of himself, and bellows with rage and desire: "Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore!" Then he's all, "Oh, sorry about that door. Sometimes I do things rashly without considering the consequences. Like, this one time, I had these oars and ..."

My life has been such a whirlwind since I saw you / I've been running round in circles in my mind

In the video (#2 in the list above), this second line is accompanied by a picture of a guy literally running around in circles within another guy's head. (Or, more accurately, within his hat.) Go back and watch that video. It's really very strange.

And it always seems that I'm following you girl / 'Cause you take me to the places that alone I'd never find

Yeah. Right. "Girl." Oh, Kevin. I thought you'd come so far. Back to square one. But, on the plus side, you still have your oars.

Justin Timberlake -- "Rock Your Body"

Come on now, you now I couldn't do Britney without doing Justin.

Wait a minute, that sounds like a ... oh, never mind.

You know, I think I've said this before, but I really like Justin Timberlake. I find his SNL appearances consistently hilarious, I really unironically enjoy a lot of his music, and I've already spoken of how I appreciated his performance as Pilot Abilene in the movie Southland Tales. So, I guess I was sort of pleased to discover that the lyrics to his songs are not that bad. I mean, certainly it's not Wordsworth or anything, but on the whole they seem simple, heartfelt and inoffensive.

This song, then, is the exception that proves the rule! (Can anyone explain this saying to me? I've always felt that an exception would disprove the rule, not prove it. Is there some basis for saying this, or it just a little bit of nonsense that found its way into the vernacular? Please discuss in the comments section.)

Also, please indulge yourself by viewing the video for this song, in which Justin dances inside the Large Hadron Collider and propounds the theory of parallel universes around the 4-minute mark. This video must've caused quite a stir in the quantum mechanics community.

Not sure if this is the official video because there's a little part in the middle that isn't in the radio version of the song, but if you don't like it, go fuck yourself.

Don't be so quick to walk away / Dance with me / I wanna rock your body / Please stay / Dance with me

This seems sort of desperate, doesn't it? Especially when he cries out "Please stay!" Come on, you're Justin Timberlake. You don't have to beg this girl to stay and dance with you.

You don't have to admit you wanna play / Dance with me / Just let me rock you / 'Til the break of day / Dance with me

I don't get the first line. She doesn't have to admit she wants to have sex with you, she can just dance with you? That doesn't make sense though, given that in the same breath you say you are going to "rock [her] 'til the break of day," which quite clearly means having sex all night.

Also, saying "'til the break of day" is a sweet pop music cliche to indicate the sexual prowess of the singer. Kudos for slipping this in there, Timberlake.

Got time, but I don't mind / Just wanna rock you girl / I'll have whatever you have / Come on, let's give it a whirl

"Got time, but I don't mind"? I have no idea what this is supposed to mean. Just making small talk before he gets back to talking about rocking her body, I suppose.

See I've been watching you / And I like the way you move / So go ahead, girl, just do / That ass shaking thing you do

If Lou Gramm sang this shit I'd probably crucify him and leave his putrefying corpse to be pecked at by woodland creatures, but Justin Timberlake is just so cute! You go, Justin! (Swoon)

So you grab your girls / And you grab a couple more / And you all come meet me / In the middle of the floor

If she already grabbed her girls, does she really need to grab a couple more random ones too? Come on. Let's not get greedy now. How many people do we need in this clusterfuck? Britney? Any thoughts?

Said the air is thick, it's smelling right / So you pass to the left and you sail to the right

First line is kind of gross. Second one is about dancing. Justin Timberlake likes dancing. And sex. But not Britney. Right? I haven't read any of the tabloids lately. How's Bennifer doing?

Don't be so quick to walk away / Dance with me / I wanna rock your body / Please stay / Dance with me / You don't have to admit you wanna play / Dance with me / Just let me rock you / Till the break of day / Dance with me

Seriously, though, you've probably seen his SNL skits, but if you haven't, please watch them, here and here. It's OK. I'll be right here.

I don't mean no harm / Just wanna rock you girl / You can move, but be calm / Let's go, let's give it a whirl

"You can move, but be calm"? This sounds like something a bank robber would say to one of his hostages.

See it appears to me / You like the way I move / I'll tell you what I'm gonna do / Pull you close and share my groove

The first two lines are funny if you imagine them being said by an elderly British gentleman, e.g. Ian McKellen or Patrick Stewart. Second two, not so funny. ... OK, I guess they're kind of funny too.

OK, now this song gets kind of complicated with different lyrics and vocalists overlapping and such. I think what I'll do is put any non-Timberlake lyrics in parentheses.

(Talk to me boy) / No disrespect, I don't mean no harm

I love the phrase "no disrespect." Check-plus. But, it should always be said in a New York and New Jersey accent. Check-minus.

(Talk to me boy) / I can't wait to have you in my arms / (Talk to me boy) / Hurry up cause you're takin' too long / (Talk to me boy) / Better have you naked by the end of this song

I've been led to believe that this whole rigamarole has been occurring in a public place, so I suppose that getting her naked by the end of the song would be grounds for arrest. Which mean, of course, that I can break out the "criminal activity" tag! I'm so excited, and I'm sure you are too.

So what did you come for / (I came to dance with you) / And you know that you don't want to hit the floor / (I came to romance with you)

Ah. I'm starting to rethink this song. Justin Timberlake's character may be a member of the mafia. The "no disrespect" line set off alarm bells, and now he appears to be coercing her into stating her affections through threats of physical violence.

You're searching for love forever more / (It's time to take a chance) / If love is here on the floor, girl

"Love is here on the floor?" Ewwwww.

Aaaand this goes on for some time, but without any really discernible alterations in the lyrics. Same words, different patterns. I think this song might actually be a sestina.

Eh, not really, but let's go out on a classy note since we were veering into vulgarity at times. Although, I guess I can't be blamed for being a little vulgar in a post about a guy who sang about sticking his dick in a box and banging his friend's mom.

Timberlake!