If you'll indulge me, I'd like to offer you an abbreviated Scorpions discography.
1976: "Virgin Killer," which has a cover that appears to be child pornography. (This link takes you to a picture of the cover, not to a child-pornography site.)
1978: "Taken by Force," the cover of which features two guys pointing guns at each other in a cemetery.
1980: "Animal Magnetism"'s cover shows a woman kneeling next to a dog, in front of a man holding a beer. (They appear to be in the desert for some reason.) Featured track: "Don't Make No Promises (Your Body Can't Keep)."
1984: "Love at First Sting"
I offer you this little snapshot because "Wind of Change" is a classic example of a band with a clear track record of objectifying women and just generally being kind of dick-ish and weird deciding to get all sensitive and shit. Songs of this ilk also tend to have awesomely bad lyrics, and this one is no exception.
Hey, remember the Cold War? I sure don't!
I follow the Moskva / Down to Gorky Park
Lead singer Klaus Meine (the Scorpions are German) clearly mispronounces the "v" in Moskva as a "w" here. Also, why Gorky Park? Are you just naming a random place in Moscow? Why not Red Square or Lenin's Tomb or something? Lenin's Tomb even has the right number of syllables, and is probably more recognizable to your Western listeners, and it's kind of maybe like symbolic of the death of Communism and stuff ... no? You're gonna stick with Gorky Park? Cool.
Listening to the wind of change / An August summer night
As opposed to what? An August winter night? Maybe he means the night is "august" with a small "a"-- a majestic, venerable night. (Actually, that would kind of make sense. Accidentally decent lyric!)
Soldiers passing by / Listening to the wind of change / (whistling solo)
Oh, but I love that whistling solo. Best ever? Any other nominees? "Young Folks" by Peter Bjorn and John? "Patience" by Guns 'n' Roses? "Jealous Guy"?
The world is closing in / And did you ever think / That we could be so close, like brothers
I think this is what Gorbachev said to Reagan when they were drunk one night at the Kremlin.
The future's in the air / I can feel it everywhere / Blowing with the wind of change
Uh .... hey, aren't you the Scorpions? Dude! Bro! I love "Virgin Killer" and "Taken by Force" ... those albums are the shit! I was totally listening to "Taken by Force" in college this one time when I was playing beer pong with these chicks, and my buddy Z-Dub slipped some roofies into their cups and .... hey, is this your new jam? (Listens for a minute.) Woah, bro, this is so gay! (Passes out drunk)
Take me to the magic of the moment / On a glory night
I'm sure this lyric is much better when translated from the original Russian.
Where the children of tomorrow dream away / In the wind of change / Walking down the street / Distant memories / Are buried in the past forever
Future in the air? Check. Children of tomorrow dreaming away? Check. Wind of change blowing? Roger that. Distant memories buried in the past forever? Looks that way. Well, boys, looks like old mother Russia has got this whole democracy thing figured out, and nothing can possibly go wrong for at least the next 20 years. (Brushes his hands together briskly, strolls away whistling a happy tune.)
The wind of change blows straight / Into the face of time / Like a storm wind that will ring / The freedom bell for peace of mind
Wasn't this part of one of G.W. Bush's inaugural addresses? I could've sworn he said that in 2005. (Actually, go back and read those lyrics in the Jon Stewart Bush voice. Much funnier that way.)
Let your balalaika sing / What my guitar wants to say
What does your guitar want to say? Hmm? Something about how on some level, we're all the same, and that humankind needs to live in peace and harmony, and MR. GORBACHEV TEAR DOWN THIS WALL and all that good stuff? No? Just wants to play us out with a sweet solo, followed by the chorus and some more whistling? OK. Fine by me.
Showing posts with label the Cold War. Show all posts
Showing posts with label the Cold War. Show all posts
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Monday, August 10, 2009
Elton John -- "Rocket Man"
As far as I'm concerned, there is only one version of this song, and it's this one. If that's not awesomely bad, I don't know what is.
She packed my bags last night pre-flight / Zero hour, nine a.m. / And I'm gonna be high as a kite by then
Oh, for the halcyon days of the Cold War, when the "space race" or whatever they called it allowed us to compete with the hated Russkies without blowing each other to smithereens. The moon had been conquered, its moon-men subdued and enslaved, and Mars was just around the corner. America's brave "rocket men" were hailed as heroes, showered with meats and cheeses (not literally), and probably, I don't know, had their pictures on stamps and things of that nature. Today our space program is in shambles, and astronauts are reviled and cannot walk down the street without being spit upon by small children.
Oh, right, the lyrics. They're kind of pretty but don't really make sense. I'm thinking the "zero hour" is when his space rocket is supposed to take off, but why is he going to already be high as a kite when that time arrives? Is he going to take hallucinogenic drugs? That seems like a questionable idea. Does NASA drug astronauts to make the launch more bearable? Unlikely.
I miss the earth so much I miss my wife / It's lonely out in space / On such a timeless flight
Switching tenses within the verse? Edwin Eugene "Buzz" Aldrin Jr. would be spinning in his grave if he were dead. Actually, I only mention Aldrin so I can link to this video of him punching a guy in the face. The lesson here is, of course, don't fuck with a guy who walked on the fucking moon.
Actually, Sir Elton and co-writer Bernie Taupin switch tenses twice during this verse, giving us the rare and delicious trifecta of past, present, and future all wrapped up in a few short lines. Is this a commentary on the "timelessness" of the rocket man's flight, meant to give us a window into the effects on the psyche of isolation in the inky blackness of space? My guess is no, but what do I know? I'm not a filthy, pathetic astronaut.
And I think it's gonna be a long, long time / Till touchdown brings me round again to find / I'm not the man they think I am at home / Oh no no no, I'm a rocket man / Rocket man burning out his fuse up here alone
What kind of man do they think he is at home? I mean, this song was written before the profession of astronaut reached sub-janitorial levels of respect, and once-proud men like Buzz Aldrin had to resort to vicious physical attacks to protect their dignity, so there's no reason he would've had to lie about his job.
Mars ain't the kind of place to raise your kids / In fact, it's cold as hell / And there's no one there to raise them if you did
I was kind of on the fence as to whether these lyrics were really that bad until I got to this little chestnut. "Mars ain't the kind of place to raise your kids"? Why not? Substandard school systems? High crime rates? Exorbitant bus fees? Afraid your kids would have trouble making friends with the little Martian children? Oh, no, I'm sorry, it's because it's "cold as hell" (this is true) and because "there's no one there to raise them if you did" (also technically true, I guess, but what?). Also, there's the small matter of the atmosphere being 95 percent carbon dioxide. But I guess "they would rapidly asphyxiate if you did" doesn't quite have the same ring to it.
And all this science I don't understand / It's just my job five days a week / A rocket man, a rocket man
This line kind of makes me laugh because it sounds like something the Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer would say. Also, again, I am no astronaut, but I have to think the people manning space missions have at least some basic understanding of how their craft works, and know a little bit about astronomy. Otherwise, something like this might happen:
Mission Control: Space Shuttle Eltonia, one of your oxygen tanks is failing. You're going to have to shut down your command module and use the lunar module as a lifeboat.
Rocket Man: What is this, science? I don't understand science! I'm just a rocket man! It's just my job five days a week. My real passion is rock gardens. Man, I tell you, when you get that feng shui just right it's really --
Space Shuttle: (explodes)
She packed my bags last night pre-flight / Zero hour, nine a.m. / And I'm gonna be high as a kite by then
Oh, for the halcyon days of the Cold War, when the "space race" or whatever they called it allowed us to compete with the hated Russkies without blowing each other to smithereens. The moon had been conquered, its moon-men subdued and enslaved, and Mars was just around the corner. America's brave "rocket men" were hailed as heroes, showered with meats and cheeses (not literally), and probably, I don't know, had their pictures on stamps and things of that nature. Today our space program is in shambles, and astronauts are reviled and cannot walk down the street without being spit upon by small children.
Oh, right, the lyrics. They're kind of pretty but don't really make sense. I'm thinking the "zero hour" is when his space rocket is supposed to take off, but why is he going to already be high as a kite when that time arrives? Is he going to take hallucinogenic drugs? That seems like a questionable idea. Does NASA drug astronauts to make the launch more bearable? Unlikely.
I miss the earth so much I miss my wife / It's lonely out in space / On such a timeless flight
Switching tenses within the verse? Edwin Eugene "Buzz" Aldrin Jr. would be spinning in his grave if he were dead. Actually, I only mention Aldrin so I can link to this video of him punching a guy in the face. The lesson here is, of course, don't fuck with a guy who walked on the fucking moon.
Actually, Sir Elton and co-writer Bernie Taupin switch tenses twice during this verse, giving us the rare and delicious trifecta of past, present, and future all wrapped up in a few short lines. Is this a commentary on the "timelessness" of the rocket man's flight, meant to give us a window into the effects on the psyche of isolation in the inky blackness of space? My guess is no, but what do I know? I'm not a filthy, pathetic astronaut.
And I think it's gonna be a long, long time / Till touchdown brings me round again to find / I'm not the man they think I am at home / Oh no no no, I'm a rocket man / Rocket man burning out his fuse up here alone
What kind of man do they think he is at home? I mean, this song was written before the profession of astronaut reached sub-janitorial levels of respect, and once-proud men like Buzz Aldrin had to resort to vicious physical attacks to protect their dignity, so there's no reason he would've had to lie about his job.
Mars ain't the kind of place to raise your kids / In fact, it's cold as hell / And there's no one there to raise them if you did
I was kind of on the fence as to whether these lyrics were really that bad until I got to this little chestnut. "Mars ain't the kind of place to raise your kids"? Why not? Substandard school systems? High crime rates? Exorbitant bus fees? Afraid your kids would have trouble making friends with the little Martian children? Oh, no, I'm sorry, it's because it's "cold as hell" (this is true) and because "there's no one there to raise them if you did" (also technically true, I guess, but what?). Also, there's the small matter of the atmosphere being 95 percent carbon dioxide. But I guess "they would rapidly asphyxiate if you did" doesn't quite have the same ring to it.
And all this science I don't understand / It's just my job five days a week / A rocket man, a rocket man
This line kind of makes me laugh because it sounds like something the Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer would say. Also, again, I am no astronaut, but I have to think the people manning space missions have at least some basic understanding of how their craft works, and know a little bit about astronomy. Otherwise, something like this might happen:
Mission Control: Space Shuttle Eltonia, one of your oxygen tanks is failing. You're going to have to shut down your command module and use the lunar module as a lifeboat.
Rocket Man: What is this, science? I don't understand science! I'm just a rocket man! It's just my job five days a week. My real passion is rock gardens. Man, I tell you, when you get that feng shui just right it's really --
Space Shuttle: (explodes)
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