Scorpions -- "Rock You Like a Hurricane"

Hey guys, aren't hurricanes awesome? Yeah, hurricanes! ROCK!!!

It's early morning / The sun comes out / Last night was shaking / And pretty loud

Because a devastating hurricane struck your impoverished community, killing thousands and leaving only destruction and despair in its wake? What a sad yet hopeful song you have penned here, Klaus Meine. I hope this inspires a nation to help you rebuild and put these dark days behind you.

My cat is purring / And scratches my skin / So what is wrong / With another sin?

Uhhh, wait, what? Oh, Klaus. Klaus, Klaus, Klaus. The hurricane was merely a metaphor for your sexual prowess? For shame, sir. And, might I add, you have compounded your folly by writing a bunch of lyrics that make little sense. May a hundred opossums scurry into your house and eye you menacingly while nibbling at the fruit basket you left on the kitchen counter!

The bitch is hungry / She needs to tell / So give her inches / And feed her well

Let's do this line by line. I don't think Blogger will let me do footnotes, so imagine these are footnotes and not the regular stupid comments that I make.

1) Hungry for sex!
2) Tell ... about ... the sex! That she had. With you. Klaus Meine.
3) Sexual reference.
4) Ibid.

More days to come / New places to go / I've got to leave / It's time for a show

This quartet of awesomeness could easily be part of a Broadway musical. I'm imagining it as the closing lines of the opening song, in which a young fresh-faced country girl comes to the big city and is all excited about her new life and is going to Make It Big, but then is slowly worn down to a nub of humanity and becomes a prostitute/drug addict/cast member of Jersey Shore.

Try it out! Each line gets progressively louder and in a higher octave. "More days to come, new places to goooooo, I've got to leave, It's time for a shoooooooowwww!!!!"

Oh yeah, I almost forgot. Hey, Klaus Meine! What do these lyrics have to do with anything else you said previously? I thought you were talking about a cat, and your penis and stuff?

Here I am, rock you like a hurricane / Here I am, rock you like a hurricane

Yes, and a hurricane. Right.

So, there are a bunch of good songs about hurricanes: this one, "Like a Hurricane" by Neil Young, "Hurricane" by Bob Dylan (not really about a hurricane per se, but play along) ... so how come there are no good songs about like tornados or cyclones or avalanches or earthquakes or other natural disasters? Hmm? Seems like fertile ground for songwriting.

Anyway, I'm downgrading this song to a tropical storm. Just because I can!

And, also, we've established that Klaus Meine doesn't speak or write English very well, so it's sort of funny to imagine him showing up at some poor girl's door and saying "Here I am! Rock you like hurricane!" Although it's funnier if his accent is Russian and not German. And if he's wearing nothing except a giant red ribbon tied around his loins and one of this big furry Russian hats. OK, let's move on.

My body is burning / It starts to shout / Desire is coming / It breaks out loud

I'm pretty sure these are really the lyrics. His body starts to shout, and desire "breaks out loud."

Lust is in cages / 'Til storm breaks loose / Just have to make it / With someone I choose

This song really suffers gramatically from a lack of articles, doesn't it? Come on, Klaus -- definite, indefinite, I don't care, just modify these nouns somehow. I don't ask for much.

And, "lust is in cages"? Squeeee!!!!

The night is calling / I have to go / The wolf is hungry / He runs the show

Klaus Meine: Sorry, baby, the night is calling, I have to go!
Woman: Oh, Klausie, come on ... just a few verses ago you said you had to leave because it was time for a show. Now the night is calling? It's always something with you!
Klaus Meine: Sorry, sweetheart! The wolf is hungry, and he runs the show!
Woman: What?

He's licking his lips / He's ready to win / On the hunt tonight / For love at first sting

Arrgh. If you were going to go with "love at first sting," why not just make the wolf a scorpion? I mean, your band is called the Scorpions, and it wouldn't really ruin the meter of the song and you could say "flicking his tail" instead of "licking his lips" ... you see what I'm saying here, Klaus? What's that? It was the wolf's idea? Yeah, but ... yeah, I know he runs the show, but ... come again? I have to end the blog post with a picture of what?! Read my contract?! (Shuffles papers) Dammit! OK, fine, Klaus Meine, you've won this round!

Duran Duran -- "Hungry Like the Wolf"

So if, like me, you are a connoisseur of 1960s French erotic science fiction, you probably already know this. But, for the unwashed masses who have missed the boat, the band Duran Duran is named after a character from the 1968 classic "Barbarella," starring Jane Fonda as the title character.

Here's the plot summary from Wikipedia:

"Set in the 40th century, Barbarella follows the adventures of its title character played by Jane Fonda. In the film, Barbarella is assigned by the President of Earth to retrieve Doctor Durand-Durand from the planet SoGo in order to save the earth. Beyond this premise, the plot is very loose, serving mostly as an excuse for Barbarella to end up in erotic situations. On her quest to find Durand Durand, Barbarella is seduced by a human resident of SoGo, who introduces her to penetrative intercourse (civilized people of Barbarella's society find sexual release through pharmaceuticals), seduces an angel named Pygar, and overloads a torture device (called the Excessive Machine) which kills through sexual pleasure."

Coincidentally, the members of Duran Duran went on to introduce all of America to penetrative intercourse with their hit song "Hungry Like the Wolf." Take a look at the music video. Oops, wait, that was the wrong video. Here you go.

Just as an aside, this video was shot in Sri Lanka, where to the best of my knowledge, there are no wolves. Why not shoot in Canada or Siberia or something? It would've been cheaper and more relevant to the whole wolf thing. Oh well.

Dark in the city, night is a wire / Steam in the subway, earth is afire

This is actually some pretty good imagery. "Night is a wire." I like that. Good work, Simon Le Bon.

Woman, you want me, give me a sign / And catch my breathing even closer behind

Starting to get a little creepy.

By the way, I'm not including any of the "do do do do, etc." parts here because they're not really "lyrics" per se, but I would like to point out that the Wikipedia page for this song states that "the repeating of the word 'do' at the end of each verse, is an inspiration from Gordon Lightfoot's song 'If You Could Read My Mind'." [sic] Being naturally curious about bands' musical influences, and being a fan of Mr. Lightfoot myself, I cued up the song, in which he does no "do do do"-ing whatsoever, unless I'm listening to some sort of abbreviated version or something. Is this just completely wrong or am I missing something here?

In touch with the ground / I'm on the hunt, I'm after you

creepy

Smell like I sound, I'm lost in a crowd / And I'm hungry like the wolf

"Smell like I sound"? I don't get that line. It could be "smell like a sound," but that doesn't really make much sense either. How can a thing or a person smell like he/she/it sounds? I don't think it's possible for a sound to smell like anything. Um. And the following line, "I'm lost in a crowd," doesn't help much either.

Straddle the line in discord and rhyme / I'm on the hunt I'm after you

I think maybe Simon Le Bon is so hungry that he's become delirious.

Mouth is alive with juices like wine / And I'm hungry like the wolf

Simon Le Bon is drooling. Or, I don't know, maybe eating somebody?

Stalk through the forest, too close to hide / I'll be upon you by the moonlight side

"The moonlight side"? What does that mean? And when did we get into this forest? In the first line we were in a city. Unless we were in the forest the whole time and he just happened to mention that it was dark in the city, as a kind of non sequitur. Is anyone else getting hungry? I'm kind of hungry.

Hey, why didn't Duran Duran turn this song into a whole series? They could've done "Angry Like the Goat," "Sleepy Like the Bear (In Winter)," "Sticky Like the Anteater," "Endangered Like the Panda," "Amphibious Like the Frog" ... the possibilities are endless. Each one could also be adapted as a children's book and an erotic science fiction movie. Synergy!

High blood drumming on your skin it's so tight / You feel my heat I'm just a moment behind

If someone was following you, what would happen first? Would you "catch (his) breathing" or "feel (his) heat"? And would those two things happen like two verses apart?

And, "high blood drumming on your skin it's so tight"? Huh? I think maybe it's actually "High blood / drumming on your skin, it's so tight." In which case, whaaa??? Actually, maybe Mr. Le Bon should be congratulated here, because even though I have no concept of what this line means, I can definitively say that it is creepy. Kind of like if a child gave you a peanut butter and jelly sandwich but instead of peanut butter and jelly, he used gravel and mucus. You don't really know exactly what he's trying to tell you, but it's quite clear that he is mentally ill and you should sleep with one eye open.

In touch with the ground / I'm on the hunt, I'm after you / Scent and a sound, I'm lost and I'm found / And I'm hungry like the wolf

OK, we get it.

Straddle the line it's discord and rhyme / I howl and I whine, I'm after you

The unofficial lyrics I found online said this lyric was "strut on a line." I think that makes less sense than "straddle the line," but it does sound more like he says "strut." So I listened hard to the song (he sings this line three times) and each time it sounded like something different. Then I thought, "Does it really matter which it is? This is like two detectives sitting around arguing about how many times the serial killer stabbed his latest victim, while the killer hops in his car and drives away." Then I realized it wasn't like that at all, but it got me thinking about detectives, so I watched 22 consecutive episodes of "Murder, She Wrote." Then I Googled "Angela Lansbury" and "1960s French erotic science fiction" and got no results.

This song is making me type nonsense.

Mouth is alive all running inside / And I'm hungry like the wolf

This song makes me want to eat a big juicy steak and have penetrative intercouse, not necessarily in that order. The intercourse should be the easy part, but where am I going to find a steak at this hour?