Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Boston -- "Amanda"

So I was all set to write a post on a different song, but then Pandora in all its genius decided to play this tune, and inspiration struck. I have to admit I had only heard this song once or twice before, but I love it, and I hate the lyrics, and isn't that what this blog is all about?* (Fyi, the following song on Pandora was "Care of Cell 44" by the Zombies, and is awesome and not at all bad, and you should all listen to it, and also listen to the whole Odessey and Oracle [sic] album. I may or may not provide Pandora updates throughout this post as events warrant.)

*Yes

So, Boston. Great city, great band, terrible lyrics.

Babe, tomorrow’s so far away / There’s something I just have to say / I don’t think I can hide what I’m feeling inside /Another day, knowing I love you

Blurgh. Seriously, can lyrics be any more cliched than this? "I don't think I can hide what I'm feeling inside?" Tom Scholz was nearly 40 when this song was released. These lyrics sound like they were written by a shy 13-year-old who is wondering whether he should ask Amanda to dance at the junior high after-school mixer.

Note: Tom Scholz sounds like a really great guy. According to Wikipedia, he is a vegetarian, supports organizations such as PETA and Greenpeace, and started his own charitable foundation in order to support such causes as animal protection, homeless shelters, food banks, children's rights, and stopping world hunger. Also, he lives in Boston, the greatest city in the world.

Note: Lead singer Brad Delp was also a vegetarian and owns 7 of the 10 top links from a Google search for "nicest guy in rock n roll." (Two of the other three are about Ozzy Osbourne.) Delp committed suicide in 2007 (apparently on Tom Scholz's birthday?)

I continue this post with a heavy heart.

And I, I’m getting too close again / I don’t want to see it end / If I tell you tonight, would you turn out the lights? / Walk away knowing I love you?


PANDORA UPDATE! "Boys of Summer" by Don Henley. Awesomely bad or just awesome? That's for the courts to decide.

Fair warning: Tom Scholz is going to pose a lot of questions to Amanda in this song. They are mostly the kind of questions you would imagine asking a person that you are in love with, but you are such an incredible pussy that you would never do so. That's right, Tom Scholz, you heard me.

I can tell you, my love for you will still be strong, after the boys of summer have gone

Oops, sorry.

I’m gonna take you by surprise and make you realize, Amanda

Tom Scholz: "Surprise, I love you!"
Amanda: "Oh, that's so sweet, Tom, but I value our friendship so much that I would never want to ruin it."
Tom Scholz: (breaking into a cold sweat) "Oh yeah, that's totally cool! I ... er ... yeah ... I mean ... what I meant was ... I love ... your new sweater! Really nice. Where'd you get it? I think I need to go home."

I’m gonna tell you right away, I can’t wait another day, Amanda / I’m gonna say it like a man and make you understand, Amanda / I love you

Pussy. Why can't you be more like Lou Gramm, lasciviously attempting to force yourself on any underage girl who happens to glance in your direction? What is so special about this "Amanda" person? She sounds like a real cooze to me.

And I feel like today’s the day / Looking for the words to say

I probably would've really liked these lyrics when I was in the 8th grade and really had a crush on this girl but couldn't tell her about it (because I was incredibly socially awkward and 12 years old and had pretty much NO CHANCE anyway, but I still fantasized about telling her, of course). There were probably a lot of days that I felt like were "the day," but it still took FIVE YEARS to tell her anything, and even then it was in the most awkward way possible, and didn't lead to anything, and ... uh ... what was my point going to be here?

Do you wanna be free, are you ready for me?

Another question.

(Fun fact! This song was Boston's only #1 hit. "More Than a Feeling" only reached #2. This may be the greatest injustice in American history. Sorry, Martin Luther King Jr.! Better luck next time.)

To feel this way / I don’t wanna lose ya / So, it may be too soon, I know / The feeling takes so long to grow

Not sure what is going on here. My best guess is that Amanda is dating someone else, and Tom Scholz thinks he is no good for her, and that he would be so much better because really Appreciates Her For Who She Is and would always Show Her Respect and never Talk To Her The Way He Does and she could totally Do Better Than Him, all of which are really boring.

If I tell you today, will you turn me away? / And let me go? / I don't wanna lose you

More questions.

PANDORA UPDATE! "Pink Bullets," by the Shins, a good band to check out if you are interested in good lyrics and generally just overall goodness. (Also, in between Don Henley and the Shins, Pandora played not one by TWO Depeche Mode songs ... nothing against Depeche Mode, but I don't think I've ever given Pandora reason to believe that I would like them to be in such heavy rotation.)

And one other thing while I'm on the topic of Pandora -- I have derived a very simple equation: "Journey Radio" Pandora station + alcohol + a good group of people = an instantly awesome party. Just try it. You will thank me. I promise.

Was I commenting on a song here? Tom Scholz? What's going on?

(awesome guitar solo)

(rocking out)

I’m gonna take you by surprise and make you realize, Amanda / I’m gonna tell you right away, I can’t wait another day, Amanda

If a less milquetoast person was writing these lyrics, I would be tempted to use the "creepiness" tag in re: the "take you by surprise" line.

I’m gonna say it like a man and make you understand, Amanda

Possible ways to "say it like a man":

1) With your dick hanging out
2) In a really deep voice
3) Hire Sam Elliott to hide in the closet and say it while you move your lips

Oh, girl / You and I / I know that we can’t wait / And I swear, I swear it’s not a lie, girl/ Tomorrow may be too late

Terrible.

You, you and I girl / We can share a life together / It’s now or never / And tomorrow may be too late

Blargh.

And, feeling the way I do / I don’t wanna wait my whole life through / To say I’m in love with you

I think Boston was actually a Backstreet Boys ripoff from the late '90s. Also, Tom Scholz is a big fan of world hunger, hates the poor, assassinated President James A. Garfield, and was instrumental in the development of the TV show "Blossom." There. Now I feel better.

12 comments:

  1. I've been getting a lot of e-mails asking for posts that are long, rambling, incoherent, and inexplicably vulgar. You're welcome, readers!

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  2. All the foul-mouthed rambling was worth it for the Sam Elliot bit.

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  3. I think "Amanda" is some kind of Frankenstein's monster of lines and phrases considered and ultimately rejected for inclusion in other, better songs. Then they were like, we've achieved the seemingly impossible, created a song that is at once totally generic and completely incomprehensible, now let's slap a random chick's name on it and call it a day. Bravo, gentlemen!

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  4. Better than just slapping a random chick and calling it a day, I suppose.

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  5. He's responsible for Blossom? That bastard!

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  6. wow, you used the words "pussy" and "cooze." i feel my female readership strangely unwanted here. but i love bad lyrics!!

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  7. This site was originally supposed to be dudes-only, but it turns out Blogger doesn't have a setting for that ...

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  8. This song is awesome. Yeah the lyrics are SUPER corny, but if you check out Tom's background ( which you obviously haven't) he was in some kind of relationship with an Amanda. So, there. This song is probably very special to him. Give him a break!

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  9. I recently came accross your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I dont know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.


    Susan

    http://disturbialyrics.net

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  10. I´m a native brazilian portuguese speaker. And I used to heard this song in radio (brazilian radio station plays much more english songs than portuguese) when I was a young boy, always enloved. So, I love the romantic melody, besides don't understood a word. As you can see, I've "learn" english practically by my self, without a method or grammar book. And I continue like this song despite the chiched lyrics!
    Tom

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  11. P.S.: (the brazilian speaker again) I remeber this song because my new office coworker appeared pregnant, about to give birth, and announced the name of his little girl wold be Amanda, not so common here! And she never heard about the song - I asked her.

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  12. OMG this is hilarious! Brad Delp would've truly appreciated your analogy. He had such a great sense of humor. Thanks for your gracious comments and for noting Toms charitable contributions.
    Keep up the great work 🙌

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