Warren G & Nate Dogg -- "Regulate"

This is kind of a long one so let's get right into it. Note: I'm going to italicize Warren G's parts and put Nate Dogg's parts in bold.

(spoken) Regulators / We regulate any stealing of this property / We’re damn good too / But you cant be any geek off the street / Gotta be handy with the steel if you know what I mean, earn your keep!

Regulators!!! Mount up!

I like to think that this monologue, in its entirety, is what Nuclear Regulatory Commission Chairman Gregory B. Jackzo says to his employees at 9 a.m. each weekday.

It was a clear black night, a clear white moon

OK, sorry if this is nit-picking, but how can the moon be "clear"? The sky can be clear, thereby revealing the moon (as is pointed out in the first half of this lyric), but the moon itself cannot be clear. Sorry again, Warren Griffin III.

Warren G was on the streets, trying to consume / Some skirts for the eve, so I can get some ?????

Ummm, I always thought this line was "trying to consume some starch for the eve so I can get some funk." This wouldn't be the best lyric of all time or anything, but it makes more sense than the real lyrics, which I am having trouble even deciphering. "Skirts" is definitely right, although "consuming some skirts" doesn't really make sense. The last word seems to be "phones," which really makes no sense at all ... the lyrics I found online say "funk," but he clearly does not say funk.

So, my best guess is that he is trying to consume some skirts for the eve so he can get some phones. Good luck with that, Warren! (I mean, I guess he could be saying he wants to get the phone numbers of some girls, but as will be revealed later, he and his homey Nate definitely are looking for a little more than phone numbers ...)

Just rollin' in my ride, chillin' all alone

Sounds relaxing.

Just hit the east side of the LBC / On a mission trying to find Mr. Warren G

There is much disagreement on urbandictionary.com about the meaning of LBC. Does it refer to Long Beach Compton? Long Beach, California? Long Beach Crips? I think the last one is definitely out as Nate is clearly referring to some sort of geographical area.

Also, this song was released in 1994, so I guess cell phones hadn't been popularized yet?

Seen a car full of girls ain’t no need to tweak / All you skirts know what’s up with 213

I'm fairly sure "213" refers to an area code ... although it's also the name of a musical group that included Nate, Warren, and Snoop Dogg, so I guess that's what he's talking about. Also, I don't really know what he means by "tweak." There's no need to take crystal meth tonight?

So I hooks a left on 2-1 and Lewis / Some brothas shootin' dice so I said let's do this / I jumped out the ride, and said what's up? / Some brothas pulled some gats so I said I'm stuck

Meanwhile, our hero Warren G has -- kind of foolishly, it seems -- gotten himself into quite a situation. How will he get out of this one? Did someone say "deus ex machina"?

Since these girls peepin' me i'm a' glide and swerve / These hookers lookin' so hard they straight hit the curb / On to bigger, better things than some horny tricks / I see my homey and some suckers all in his mix

Nate Dogg is so damn good-looking that a car full of girls, overcome with desire, lose control of their vehicle and crash into a large pile of garbage (see the video).

Also, does getting into a gang fight (or whatever it is) really qualify as a "bigger, better thing" than having some good old-fashioned sex with a bunch of hookers? I think it's debatable.

I'm gettin' jacked, I'm breakin' myself / I can't believe they taking Warren's wealth / They took my rings, they took my Rolex / I looked at the brothas, said damn, whats next?

I have to say, Warren G doesn't really come off very well in this song. So far he's blundered into a large group of unsavory men without any available assistance, of which he could only shrug his shoulders and say "I'm stuck." He then allows the men to steal his valuables, offering only impotent pleas in response. I can only assume that "breakin' myself" means that he has soiled himself in fear.

They got my homey hemmed up and they all around / Ain't none of them seeing if they going straight pound for pound / They wanna come up real quick before they start to clown / I best pull out my strap and lay them busters down

Nate Dogg to the rescue! I'm not really sure what the middle two lines here mean, but I'm sure they don't involve Warren G doing anything interesting.

They got guns to my head / I think I’m going down / I can't believe this happenin' in my own town

DO SOMETHING!!!

If I had wings I would fly / Let me contemplate

Delivering a Shakespearean pre-death soliloquy was not exactly what I had in mind, Warren.

I glance in the cut and I see my homey Nate

Nate "Machine of God" Dogg.

Sixteen in the clip and one in the hole / Nate Dogg is about to make some bodies turn cold / Now they droppin' and yellin' / It's a tad bit late / Nate Dogg and Warren G had to regulate

Not sure I noticed Warren doing much regulating there, but whatevs.

I laid all them busters down / I let my gat explode / Now I'm switching my mind back into freak mode

If I could have any superpower, it would the ability to switch my mind into "freak mode" at a moment's notice.

If you want skirts sit back and observe / I just left a gang of ho's over there on the curb

The girls who "straight hit the curb" earlier are now just milling around, apparently unfazed by the massive firefight that has just taken place, patiently waiting for Nate to finish his killing spree so he can ravish them. Oh, and he can bring his friend Warren too, if he wants. I guess.

Now nate got the freaks / And thats a known fact / Before I got jacked I was on the same track

Yeah, sure you were, Warren. Were you going to call your girlfriend that you met at summer camp, who lives in Canada so we wouldn't know her?

Back up, back up 'cause its on / N-a-t-e and me / The warren to the g

I bet in high school Warren G sat in class and doodled "N-A-T-E AND ME" inside a big heart in his biology notebook.

Just like I thought / They were in the same spot / In need of some desperate help / The Nate Dogg and the G-child / Were in need of something else

Ohhhhh yeah. Bow-chik-a-bow-bow ... (that was supposed to be the porn riff that people sing to indicate that someone is about to get it on, written out phonetically)

One of them dames was sexy as hell / I said ooo I like your size / She said my car's broke down and you sing real nice, would ya let me ride? / I got a car full of girls and its going real swell / The next stop is the Eastside Motel

So, the final tally of things that each main character did during the course of this song:

Nate Dogg: Drove around. Caused girls to lose control of their motor vehicle by dint of his raw sexuality. Found his friend Warren. Killed several men. Seduced a group of women into getting into his car and driving to a motel to have sex.

Warren G: Drove around. Got mugged because of his own stupidity. Cowered in fear. Crapped his pants. Stood around and watched Nate Dogg save his ass. Stood around some more while Nate Dogg picked up women, and then probably went home to watch Fresh Prince reruns or something.

Anyway, this song goes on for a little while longer, but this is basically the end.

Outstanding questions from the video: Is there really an Eastside Motel, or was it just invented for this song? Why do Nate and Warren appear to be singing in an underground crypt? Why are there random shots of people playing basketball interspersed in the narrative? Is that a cameo from Tupac just after the 3-minute mark? And, why the fuck is Warren G such a pussy?