Journey -- "Separate Ways (Worlds Apart)"

I kind of wish the lyrics to this song were worse, because I don't feel it's quite suitable for the full treatment, yet I still feel the need to share this masterpiece.

If you made a game of bingo out of this video, some of the squares might ask for:

Awesome black muscle shirt
Entire band playing air instruments
Wharf
Jean jacket
Keyboard glued to a wall
Aloof-looking girl with big hair and dangly earrings
Lead singer overemoting while leaning against a bright yellow wall
Drummer wearing a cutoff maroon T-shirt that says "FOOSBALL"
Synchronized head swivels
Porn 'stache
Slow motion jam session
Lead singer calling a holding penalty (also the internationally recognized symbol for "those chains that bind you")
Shocking final twist that makes no sense

And now, take it away, Robocop!



Here we stand / Worlds apart, hearts broken in two, two, two / Sleepless nights / Losing ground, I'm reachin’ for you, you, you

I don't quite understand the need for the parenthetical "Worlds Apart" in the title of this song. "Separate Ways" is a fine title. Although, I like to think that this was the inspiration for that Radiohead album where every song had two different names.

Feelin' that it's gone / Could change your mind / If we can't go on / To survive the tide, love divides

Not sure I quite get this part. Is he saying that experiencing the feelin' that it's gone could change her mind? Or is he feelin' that it's gone, but also thinks he could possibly change her mind? Steve Perry? Little help over here? Oops, looks like he's too busy fighting crime in dystopian Old Detroit.

By the way, the foray onto the Robocop Wikipedia page necessitated by that last paragraph revealed this little gem: "RoboCop was written by Edward Neuemeier and Michael Miner. Edward Neumeier stated that he first got the idea of Robocop when he walked past a poster for Blade Runner. He asked his friend what the film was about and he replied saying, 'It's about a cop hunting robots'. This then sparked the idea for him about a Robot Cop."

The movie was also inspired by the Judge Dredd comic book and the Marvel superhero Iron Man. And people say Hollywood lacks for original ideas ... sheesh.

Someday love will find you / Break those chains that bind you / One night will remind you / How we touched and went our separate ways

Umm ... what? Love will find her, thereby breaking whatever chains are binding her, and only *then* will she remember how the two of you were also once in love? Guh-wha?

If he ever hurts you / True love won't desert you / You know I still love you / Though we touched and went our separate ways

But on the other hand, if "he" ever hurts her, she will *also* remember this love affair with Steve Perry and then ... who knows? Hmm. I'm starting to think Steve Perry might be kind of self-centered.

Troubled times / Caught between confusion and pain, pain, pain

"Confusion" and "Pain" are the names of Steve Perry's two Bengal tigers.

Distant eyes / Promises we made were in vain, in vain, in vain

I think this song should've been called "Separate Ways (Worlds Apart (Distant Eyes))."

If you must go, I wish you love / You'll never walk alone / Take care my love / Miss you, love

The last two lines are sort of funny if you imagine Steve Perry saying them in a British accent.

I still love you, girl / I really love you, girl / And if he ever hurts you / True love won't desert you / No....no...

Hey, girl! Even though we're (apparently) breaking up and are, in my own words, "worlds apart," you can take comfort in the fact that if you later find yourself in an abusive relationship, you can always look fondly back on our "true love" that is for some reason ending. Silver lining, am I right? OK then! Wow, being a robot is easy.

Journey -- "Any Way You Want It"

This is like shooting fish in a barrel.

Any way you want it / That's the way you need it

I mean, this is basically the entire song. After parsing this awkward syntax, I believe the message here is that one should be able to have whatever one wants, regardless of the consequences. Of course, we're talking about sex because this song is from the '80s, but I like to think that the message also applies to things like bank robberies and paying taxes. I think Steve Perry probably has read this book and voted for this guy. Or, maybe he's just horny.

She loves to laugh / She loves to sing / She does everything / She loves to move / She loves to groove / She loves the lovin' things

OK, message received, loud and clear. This girl is a groupie, or perhaps a prostitute, who is willing to fulfill Steve Perry's weirdest sexual fantasies. Excellent job rhyming "move" and "groove" here, but "she loves the lovin' things?" Wtf??

Ooh, all night, all night / Oh, every night / So hold tight, hold tight / Ooh, baby, hold tight

Ah, now we make with the lovin' things. Nice. Hmm? What's that you say? You want to imagine Steve Perry singing this song while dressed as Robocop? That's so weird, because .... gaaah!!!!


I was alone / I never knew / What good love could do / Ooh, then we touched / Then we sang /About the lovin' things

I think it is safe to say that there are three schools of thought on these lyrics:

1. The narrator is a hopeless virgin who is being seduced by an older woman -- this definitely explains the clear lack of knowledge of sexual terminology.
2. The narrator is a simple robotic police officer who has never known the simple human emotion of love or the true meaning of the phrase "lovin' things."
3. The narrator is Steve Perry, and the lyrics are just awesomely bad.

I totally hope it's #2.