"Little Drummer Boy"

I have little to say about this song, which is generally fine. However, as the father of a young child, I can confidently say that when caring for a newborn one values a little peace and quiet above all else, and some kid coming over uninvited to bang out a noisy drum solo would be a uniquely awful gift.

Also, the Dandy Warhols do an excellent cover of this song. Check it out.

I made a Christmas playlist a few weeks ago and have been listening to it almost exclusively, much, I am sure, to my wife and child's chagrin. I have become something of a Christmas music connoisseur, though, and I would like to offer my Top 13 Christmas songs.

13. Sleigh Ride -- The Ronettes

The whole Phil Spector Christmas album is pretty excellent (see #2 on this list as well) and worth listening to, except for the part where Phil Spector bizarrely starts doing a creepy voice-over during the closing number, "Silent Night." That was quickly removed from the playlist.

12. Christmas Wrapping -- The Waitresses

I have no idea who The Waitresses are, but this is a super-fun quirky little Christmas song.

11. All I Want for Christmas Is You -- Mariah Carey

I'm as surprised as you that this ended up on here, but it is so goddamn catchy.


10. Just Like Christmas -- Low

Low is one of those bands that I always forget about, and then whenever I hear them I'm like "Shit, Low is so good." And then I forget about them again. This song is fabulous.

9. Christmas Unicorn -- Sufjan Stevens

Sufjan Stevens has recorded literally almost 100 Christmas songs that are contained in two massive albums, and while there are a handful of traditional songs, they seem to mostly be original compositions. He is ridiculous and insane and I love him. "Hey Guys! It's Christmas Time!" is another great one.

8. Father Christmas -- The Kinks

C'mon, it's the Kinks. Father Christmas! Gimme some money!

7. Christmas in Hollis -- Run-DMC

This song is a rollicking good time.

6. Pretty Paper -- Willie Nelson

C'mon, it's Willie Nelson. Best voice ever.

5. Run Rudolph Run -- Chuck Berry

This one should probably be a little lower but I don't feel like rearranging the whole list. It's good. Also, the lyrics say "Run run Rudolph" but the title is "Run Rudolph Run." Why?

4. 2000 Miles -- The Pretenders

What a lovely song. I don't know why, but this somehow evokes the image of a snowy evening more effectively than any other Christmas song I know.

3. White Christmas -- Otis Redding

What a gorgeous version of this song. It makes the more famous Bing Crosby version sound like all nine of Santa's reindeer crash-landing into a giant Christmas-tree shaped pile of dog shit topping with a star made of putrefying rat carcasses tied together with the intestines of a diseased goat.


2. Christmas (Baby Please Come Home) -- Darlene Love

I don't know if I had ever heard this song before this Christmas season, but it has quickly become my favorite. Just fantastic. Hard to describe why -- just listen.


1. A Charlie Brown Christmas -- The Vince Guaraldi Trio

This is, of course, cheating, but how can you pick a single song? The whole album is just so perfect. Nothing says Christmas to me like putting this on while we decorate the tree, and maybe mull some wine, and it's not snowing but sure it could be, and it's warm inside and cold outside and for one of those rare moments everything is perfect.

Thanks everybody! Not sure what this blog is anymore. Luckily, nobody reads it so I will not be asked to explain anytime soon.

"Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer"

You know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen
Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen

 

Yup, I know all of them. They are exotic dancers at Mike's Pleasure Palace on the outskirts of town. Except, ironically, for Dancer.

Hey, did you know Donner and Blitzen are German for thunder and lightning? It makes the reindeer seem a lot more menacing. Also, I always thought it was Donner growing up, then I learned it was actually Donder, but then I guess I just learned that it doesn't matter, and who cares? That seems like the right answer.

 
But do you recall
The most famous reindeer of all?

 

No, I only recall those other non-famous ones that you just recited. This is like if you just rattled off U.S. presidents #s 6-15 in order from memory, and acknowledged that I also am familiar with said presidents, and then you knowingly asked me, "BUT do you recall the most famous president of all?" If you presume that I know all the non-famous ones, WHY WOULD I NOT KNOW THE MOST FAMOUS ONE? God damn you and your reindeer games!

 

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
Had a very shiny nose
And if you ever saw it
You would even say it glows

 

Query: Did the other reindeer make fun of Rudolph because he had a red nose because of his drinking problem, or did Rudolph develop the drinking problem and the red nose because the other reindeer made fun of him? Also, how did Santa get him to sober up enough to guide the sleigh? 

 

All of the other reindeer
Used to laugh and call him names
They never let poor Rudolph
Join in any reindeer games

 

I would like to use this opportunity to point out that there was an ostensibly serious movie starring Ben Affleck, Gary Sinise and Charlize Theron that was inexplicably titled "Reindeer Games," because what the fuck?!

 

Then one foggy Christmas Eve
Santa came to say
"Rudolph, with your nose so bright
Won't you guide my sleigh tonight?"

 

OK, so Santa Claus flies all over the motherloving world every year, presumably encountering all manner of weather -- dust storms, tornadoes, plagues of locusts, robot uprisings, etc. -- and yet on this particular Christmas, there is a little fucking fog and the whole fucking operation has to shut down? This is a new problem that this well-oiled machine of elves and magical fairies and polar bears drinking soda and caribous with wings have not anticipated? Would the little baby Jesus have grown up to be a fearsome hippie peacenik and nailed himself to a cross and rolled a big boulder out of the way after he died and went back up to Heaventown, all in order to have His name subverted in the service of crass commercialism, if he had known it could potentially all be derailed by FOG?

 

Then how the reindeer loved him
As they shouted out with glee
"Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
You'll go down in history"

 

You shitty sycophantic shitheads. Rudolph very nearly died in the bottom of a bottle of Johnnie Walker Red (metaphorically, of course) due to your merciless taunts and now you want to be his little caribou cronies because he's in the big guy's good graces? Fuck you. Especially you, Vixen. Yeah, that's right. And yes, I'm equating reindeer and caribou even though they are not precisely the same thing! Deal with it! AAAHHHHH!

"Frosty the Snowman"

Hi everybody! I obviously have not had much time to unnecessarily analyze and mock pointless lyrics lately, much to the chagrine of my handful of readers. However, I have been getting into the Christmas spirit even more than usual lately, and thought this would be a good opportunity to question the logical validity of some of your various favorites, hopefully ruining them forever and ruining Christmas itself in the process! 

 

For the purpose of this exercise, we will posit that Christmas is awesome, and therefore all Christmas songs are also awesome and eligible for the special BLB treatment, except for "Carol of the Bells," which is a terrifying nightmare.

 

Frosty the snowman was a jolly happy soul
With a corn cob pipe and a button nose
And two eyes made out of coal

 

Is his name "Frosty the Snowman" or is his name "Frosty" and he is a snowman? I always thought the former but the capitalization here indicates otherwise. Anyway, these lyrics are fine. They are describing a snowman.

 

Frosty the snowman is a fairy tale they say
He was made of snow
But the children know how he came to life one day

 

"He was made of snow" seems like superfluous information. But, still fine. Christmas is a magical time of year, little kids are allowed to believe in insane nonsense that is obviously untrue, etc.

 

There must have been some magic in
That old silk hat they found
For when they placed it on his head
He began to dance around, oh

 

Old Silk Hat sounds like an indie band or a small batch distillery run by hipsters. There's already a craft beer brewery called Magic Hat. "Frosty" reference?

Frosty the snowman was alive as he could be
And the children say, he could laugh and play
Just the same as you and me

 

OK, fine. Fun, inoffensive little Christmas carol. If the song ended here, it would be fine.

 

Frosty the snowman knew the sun was hot that day
So he said, Let's run and we'll have some fun
Now before I melt away

 

Uhhhh, OK ... First of all, running around would generally make you hotter. For people, at least. I have little to no knowledge of magical living snowman physiology. Couldn't we spend our time finding a walk-in freezer, or a cool cave, in which to preserve this wonderful miracle? Then we'd have lots more time to run and have fun on some future, colder, occasion. 

 

Down to the village with a broomstick in his hand
Runnin' here and there all around the square
Sayin', Catch me if you can

 

And now we are leaving some higher, presumably colder, altitude to go DOWN into the village. Not smart! A game of Tag or something ensues.

 

He led them down the streets of town
Right to the traffic cop
And he only paused a moment when he heard him holler "Stop!"

 

Now we are blatantly disobeying the commands of law enforcement, which will earn this post the coveted and all-too-frequent "criminal activity" tag. Frosty might be a bad influence. Also, is the cop hollering "Stop!" because they are about to wander into oncoming traffic, or because he is justifiably shocked and horrified to see a living "snow-man" (who would obviously, to him, be a regular human disguised as a snowman, because a living snowman is insane nonsense) blithely wandering the streets with vulnerable children in tow? Either way, seems like good advice disregarded.

 

Frosty the snowman had to hurry on his way
But he waved goodbye, saying, "Don't you cry
I'll be back again some day"

 

Wait, what?! I thought we were just having a little fun before he melted. I guess this could be read as Frosty sparing the children the life-scarring horror of watching their favorite new friend melt into a puddle of water. But more likely, he was spooked by the newfound attention from the authorities, and is fleeing to try whatever despicable scheme he was planning in a different town where nobody knows him. And, what is he using to wave goodbye? I didn't notice anything about arms in these lyrics ... unless ... oh, Lord.

 

 Thumpety thump thump, thumpety thump
Look at Frosty go
Thumpety thump thump, thumpety thump
Over the hills of snow

 

 

Thumpety thump? Thumpety thump?! What the fuck makes that noise when it walks? When it walks through SNOW, no less?! A goddamn elephant? An AT-AT Walker? What sort of monster are we dealing with here? Has anyone remade Frosty the Snowman as a horror movie yet? I suppose the closest thing would be the beloved 1997 film "Jack Frost," or possibly its chilling sequel titled "Jack Frost 2: Revenge of the Mutant Killer Snowman," which might be in the running for most information ever revealed in the title of a movie.

OK, that's one perfectly fine holiday song ruined! What's next? Send suggestions to badlyrics@gmail.com. I'm off to "trim the tree," which in my house is a euphemism for drinking a fifth of whiskey and passing out on the bathroom floor while brushing your teeth.

A-ha -- "Take on Me"

Talking away
I don't know what I'm to say
I'll say it anyway

So, how about this weather! Sometimes it's sunny but then sometimes it starts raining. Crazy, right?! ... (long, awkward pause) ... Your face looks like butterflies!

Today is another day to find you
Shying away  
I honestly don't know where the punctuation should be here or who is the subject of the verb "shying." "Today is another day to find you shying away"? "Today is another day to find you. (I'm) shying away"? "(You're) shying away?" 

"Today is another day to find. You shying away?"

I'll be coming for your love. OK?

The speaker in this song is the most polite stalker of all time.

Take on me (take on me)
Take me on (take on me)
I'll be gone
In a day or two

Oh, but this chorus is so fun! They used to play this song at the seventh-inning stretch of every Washington Nationals game, and they would project the lyrics on the JumboTron, and one of my favorite parts of every game was the whole crowd singing along, and it was OK if you couldn't hit those high notes because everyone else was singing too and nobody could hear you. Then they stopped doing it a few years ago because apparently they hate fun.

Every time I go to a game now I still half-expect "Take on Me" to come on after the obligatory "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" and when it doesn't, I am sad. 

Morton Harket, who co-wrote this song with similarly awesomely named bandmates Magne Furuholmen and Paul Waaktaar-Savoy, has an incredible voice, doesn't he? And the video for this song is rightfully legendary. The love interest in the video, the equally awesomely named Bunty Bailey, had a real-life romance with Mr. Harket. 

Or should I say Sir Harket? Because in November 2012, all three members of a-Ha were named Knights of the 1st Class of the Royal Norwegian Order of St. Olav for their contribution to Norwegian music. Guess what else! A-ha has won 10 Spellemannprisen awards, the Norwegian equivalent of the Grammys. This is all funny because Norway is a magical land populated by elves and pixies wearing Viking helmets, and they even have a completely different language that might seem amusing to a foreigner.

I'm going to address all further commentary to Morton Harket. Then I will write a quirky but charming children's book called "Morton Harket Goes to Horton Market," set in a fictionalized version of North London, in which Morton Harket befriends some anthropomorphic vegetables and slowly learns that life is OK.

So needless to say
Of odds and ends

Guh?

But I'll be stumbling away
Slowly learning that life is OK.

So it looks like this whole thing will not end well. He will be stumbling away ... why? Was he rejected and now is in a daze? Slapped or otherwise physically injured because he is a creepy (but very polite) stalker? Stumbling away from the bar after drowning his sorrows? 

I do like Harket's pragmatism here, acknowledging that even after this transformative experience in which he pursues a love interest and conquers his greatest fears, that life will not be wonderful or spectacular or incredibly fulfilling, but simply OK.  

Say after me,
"It's no better to be safe than sorry."  

It's no better to be safe than sorry.


Morton Harket: Hey guys, sorry I abruptly turned off the highway and drove us into this pit of quicksand surrounded by 100 hungry tigers!
Magne Furuholmen and Paul Waaktaar-Savoy: Yeaaaaahhhhh, why did you do that?
MH (knowingly): Well, it's no better to be safe than sorry.
MF&PW-S: (nod appreciatively and make murmurs of agreement)
Tigers: (snarl ominously)
Narrator (cheerily): How will the gang get out of this one? Tune in next week for more wacky adventures with our nutty Norsemen on "A-ha! Ha! Ha!"

Take on me (take on me)
Take me on (take on me)
I'll be gone
In a day or two

I'll be goooooooooone in a day or twoooooooooooooooooooooo!

Break it down!

By the way, Furholmen told Rolling Stone that a working title for this song was "All’s Well That Ends Well and Moves With the Sun," which sounds like a Pink Floyd song or an episode of Twin Peaks or a Werner Herzog documentary about a wayward team of astronauts on the International Space Station.

Oh, things that you say.
Is it life or just to play my worries away?

Buh?

You're all the things I've got to remember

You're my grocery list, my father's last words before he died, the Pythagorean theorem, the note I pinned to my front door that says "Are you wearing pants, Morton?"

You're shying away
I'll be coming for you anyway

OK, this answers our punctuation question posed above, and is also much less polite and far more threatening. 

Take on me (take on me)
Take me on (take on me)
I'll be gone
In a day


I love how "a day or two" becomes simply "a day" by the end of the song. Wait, what's tomorrow? Thursday? Oh yeah, I'll definitely be gone in a day. So, now is the time for you to take on me! Excuse me, I'm sorry, my English is often substandard. I mean to say "Take me on," yes? Why are you shying away? I'm just coming for your love, OK? Wait, am I wearing pants? Dammit!

Genesis -- "Invisible Touch"

I rarely fall in love with a song immediately upon hearing it -- it usually takes several listens for a tune to really reveal itself to me. This song is a notable exception -- I remember hearing it for the first time a few years ago and thinking something like "What?! This song exists?! Why was I not informed?" Then for a few weeks I was playing it all the time, and telling other people about it, badgering random passersby to listen to it, petitioning Congress to make it our new national anthem, standing outside Buckingham Palace and hoisting up a boombox a la John Cusack in "Say Anything" ... you know how these things go. Then, after receiving a cease-and-desist letter from the surviving members of Genesis (which would be all of them), I tried to go back to work, found out I had been fired, then embarked on a quixotic journey to teach those little robots that vacuum people's floors to understand the human emotion of shame. And after all this, I recently heard this song on the radio while driving just outside of Denver, and realized the lyrics are bad! So, a belated apology to my friends and family, Senator Harry Reid, Cameron Crowe, Queen Elizabeth II, and the good people at iRobot. 

I refuse to apologize to Phil Collins, though, because he penned these lyrics that seem pretty reasonable on their face, but taken as a unit, are quite obviously the unhinged ravings of a madman.

OK, that was a joke, but wait a minute: Phil Collins thinks he is the reincarnation of an American Alamo survivor. You should really take a minute and read this article ... it quotes Phil Collins as saying "Fuck music," which is an awesome thing for a famous musician to say. And it has a funny picture of Phil Collins wearing a coonskin cap. Also, he wrote a 416-page (!) coffee table book about the Alamo and his big collection of Alamo stuff. Who's the crazy one now, Phil?!

Well I've been waiting, waiting here so long
But thinking nothing, nothing could go wrong

Although the conjunction "but" doesn't really fit here -- does thinking nothing could go wrong somehow contradict the act of waiting for so long? -- these lyrics are fine. In fact, pretty much the whole song is fine except for one line that completely ruins the whole thing. We will get to that, and I will rant and rave in a manner that is hopefully somewhat amusing!

But now I know
She has a built in ability
To take everything she sees

Good job redeeming yourself by using the word "but" properly, Phil Collins! I love the way he sings "built in ability" in this part. The assonance and consonance are cool. This is just a fun little ditty about a genetically engineered kleptomaniac! 

And now it seems I'm falling, falling for her

This conjunction also makes sense in context! Hooray for proper grammar! 

One other thing I like about this song is the use of repetition on "waiting," "nothing," and "falling." 

Since I have nothing snarky to say here, I may as well also compliment the video for this song, which is endearingly quirky and features the band members goofing around, Phil Collins singing into his drumsticks like they're a microphone, some random table tennis and a giant hamster wheel. 

Also, I thought guitarist Mike Rutherford, who went on to form Mike & the Mechanics, was Pete Townshend. What do you guys think? Mike is on the right.

 




















 



She seems to have an invisible touch yeah
She reaches in, grabs right hold of your heart
She seems to have an invisible touch yeah
It takes control and slowly tears you apart

Having an invisible touch is a great superpower for a genetically engineered kleptomaniac.  
OK, so the lyrics so far are just fine ... we have a woman who was very attractive to Phil Collins, and he fell in love with her, but now, through some kind of painful experience he has learned that she was bad for him, and this song is chronicling that experience to serve as a sort of cautionary tale. Right? Right??

I don't really know her, I only know her name

No. NO. NOOOOOO!!!! WHAT?! You don't really know her? You only know her name?! But ... then ... how do you ... how can you ... is her name Cruella DeVille? Kimberly Heartripper? Jennifer freaking Aniston? Agggghhhh Phil Collins how did you survive the Alamo I don't like you anymore. I am going to give your coffee-table book a one-star review on Amazon.

But she crawls under your skin, you're never quite the same, and now I know
She's got something you just can't trust
It's something mysterious
And now it seems I'm falling, falling for her

 What. Is. Going. On. First of all, a bit of an overload of creepy internal-organ-mangling metaphors with "grabs right hold of your heart," "slowly tears you apart," and "crawls under your skin." And, once again, how can you know this?! Now you know you can't trust her? You don't even know her!! You just said that. You just said it! 

 She seems to have an invisible touch yeah
She reaches in, grabs right hold of your heart
She seems to have an invisible touch yeah
It takes control and slowly tears you apart 

She don't like losing, to her it's still a game
Though she'll mess up your life, you'll want her just the same, now I know
She has a built in ability
To take everything she sees
And now it seems I've fallen, fallen for her. 
 
She seems to have an invisible touch yeah
She reaches in, grabs right hold of your heart
She seems to have an invisible touch yeah
It takes control and slowly tears you apart

This song is so frustrating because without that one line, the lyrics are actually pretty decent. So how do we explain away the insane notion that he doesn't know this woman (only knows her name) and yet can describe with certainty, in very graphic and gory detail, what she will do to him?
 
Theory A: Phil Collins is actually describing a certain "type" of woman, and he has had this experience before with someone else, and somehow can recognize just by seeing this woman and learning her name that she will manipulate him and break his heart? This would be a super arrogant/delusional claim. Verdict: Bad lyrics!

Theory B: Phil Collins is saying that despite them having all these experiences together, he still doesn't really know her in any meaningful way. This would be a plausible reading, and tie the song together, except for the part about only knowing her name, which pretty clearly indicates he doesn't actually know her at all. Verdict: Bad lyrics!

Theory C: Phil Collins never left The Alamo. The woman in this song is the wild frontier of the West and the tantalizing lands held by Mexico, the speaker America. Although he understands that Manifest Destiny is an inherently flawed concept that will only lead to an unquenchable thirst for new land, new frontiers, and an expansion of the country's sphere of influence, resulting in misadventures overseas and senseless loss of life, slowly tearing the country apart, messing up people's lives, even though we thought nothing, nothing could go wrong, we were always just waiting, waiting here so long for that great destiny to be fulfilled, yet, yet, that invisible touch, the pull of the unknown, is too powerful to resist. That would be pretty cool. So either Phil Collins wrote one bad lyric once, or he is actually John W. Smith and cannot escape his fortress-defending, raccoon-wearing past. You decide, dear reader!

Van Halen -- "Panama"

A man (David Lee Roth), a plan (violate the Geneva Conventions by mercilessly torturing car/sex metaphors), a canal (the place where my brain is broken from trying to analyze these lyrics) : PANAMA!!!

 

Jump back, what's that sound
Here she comes, full blast and top down

This song is from the album "1984" (helpfully released in the year 1984), and obviously the most provocative social commentary ever created about that particular year. Also included on this album is the hit single "Jump," which is a song about jumping. The members of Van Halen also enjoy jumping while on stage, as evidenced by the video for "Panama." It is possible that David Lee Roth is actually a kangaroo.

Are you all ready for a sexy fusillade of automotive metaphors?! The song is actually about a car, a car called Panama, or Panama Express or some shit, based on my admittedly perfunctory research, but it's also pretty clear that the car is actually a girl. Right? Or maybe the girl is driving a sweet car? And maybe, just maybe, she and David Lee Roth could have some sex inside of it?

 
Hot shoe, burnin' down the avenue
Model citizen zero discipline

 

Hot shoe! I have no idea what that means. Is she driving so fast and revving the engine so hard that her shoe is actually somehow getting warmer from the heat of the car? Or maybe Mr. Roth was trying to create a new catch phrase: "Did you see that new Prince video? Hot shoe!" I would be on board with that.

 

"Model citizen zero discipline" is just a hodgepodge of nonsense that I refuse to engage with. It also has nothing to do with cars. Get back to the cars, good sir! And the fucking! Don't forget about the fucking.

 

Don't you know she's coming home with me?
You'll lose her in the turn
I'll get her!

 

Wait, who are you talking to? What does it mean to "lose her in the turn"? Are you describing some kind of chase scene?

 

Panama, Panama
Panama, Panama

 

I really like the little guitar solo that leads into the chorus of this song. I also like that the chorus is just the word "Panama" shouted repeatedly. Awesome!

 

Ain't nothin' like it, her shiny machine
Got the feel for the wheel, keep the moving parts clean

 

OK, let's get disgusting up in here! What "moving parts" are we talking about here, you naughty little marsupial? What "wheel" does she "have the feel for"? Let's find out!

 
Hot shoe, burnin' down the avenue
Got an on-ramp comin' through my bedroom

 

They were sex parts! And the wheel is your penis! Yay! Time to get in the car-pool lane on this freeway of fucking and put our hazard lights on cruise control! Does that work as a metaphor? I've never had sex with a car before. Hot shoe!

 

Don't you know she's coming home with me?
You'll lose her in the turn
I'll get her!

 

Panama, Panama
Panama, Panama

 

I have nothing else to say about this part, so how about some Van Halen fun facts courtesy of Wikipedia?

 

The Van Halen brothers (Eddie and Alex) are Dutch by birth, moved to California in 1962, and started a band called The Broken Combs in 1964, when they were both about 10. They changed their name to The Trojan Rubber Co. in 1972, then Genesis, which was not sustainable for obvious reasons, then Mammoth, and then Van Halen in 1974. I think I like The Broken Combs best of all those names, although Mammoth is pretty cool.

 

Nothing else I'm seeing here is really "fun."

 

Oh yeah, what about the thing with the M&Ms? Did you guys know the real story behind that? You probably do, but I'll tell you anyway. Van Halen was notorious for requesting that venues they played put a bowl of M&Ms in their dressing room with all the brown M&Ms removed. Some people viewed this as evidence that the band was crazy, or super quirky prima donnas, or just fucking with people. However, there was a method to the madness -- they figured (smartly) that this was a good way to figure out if the promoters were actually reading their requirements, some of which were extremely important for safety due to their elaborate stage show. So if they saw brown M&Ms, they would know they needed to inspect the other, more important details to see if everything had been done right. 

 

It is evident that David Lee Roth brought this same razor-sharp attention to detail to bear when writing his lyrics, which are 100% spot on and not even a little bit batshit crazy.

 

Yeah, we're runnin' a little bit hot tonight
I can barely see the road from the heat comin' off of it
Ah, you reach down, between my legs
Ease the seat back

 

Ewww ewww ewww gross gross.

 

Lots of things are hot in the song. A shoe is hot, David Lee Roth and his presumed lover are running hot, the road is hot. You know what else is hot? Panama, the country, with average highs in the upper 80s. You know what else is hot? Australia! And you know what lives in Australia. JUMP! 

 

She's blinding, I'm flying
Right behind the rear-view mirror now

 

Wha-wha-whaaaat?!

 
Got the feeling, power steering
Pistons popping, ain't no stopping now

 

Nice alliteration here. Also super gross.

 

Panama, Panama

Panama, Panama 

 

Thanks everybody! We'll be back with our next post in another 10 years-ish.