Apparently Mr. Big is huge in Japan. That's all I have to say by way of prologue, because I couldn't find any other interesting tidbits online.
Also, the Internet appears to have been scrubbed clean of the video for this song, so here's a live performance. Again, not much of interest here, except for one of the guitarists, who appears to wearing nothing but a pair of red skin-tight pants with the word "EVERYBODY" written on it multiple times. I'm not tech-savvy enough to post a screenshot but if you pause the video at the 0:29 mark you can get a good look. If anyone knows where this garment can be obtained, I would very much like to know about it.
Woot!
Hold on little girl / Show me what he's done to you / Stand up little girl / A broken heart can't be that bad
Dear boringly named lead singer Eric Martin,
This is a fairly patronizing tone to take when addressing a woman who seems to have little to no interest in you romantically. I suggest you refrain from calling her a "little girl" and instead emphasize her womanhood. Additionally, the advice that "a broken heart can't be that bad" is probably not what she wants to hear right now. Instead of trivializing her problems, I would recommend trying to empathize with her and show that you understand. Finally, try wearing no shirt and a pair of red skin-tight pants emblazoned with the word "EVERYBODY." I'm told the ladies really like this look. Especially Japanese ladies.
Best,
Miss Manners
When it's through, it's through / Fate will twist the both of you / So come on baby, come on over / Let me be the one to show you
What are you going to show her? Hmm? Is it ... YOUR PENIS??
I'm the one who wants to be with you / Deep inside I hope you'll feel it too
Hmm, what *exactly* is she going to feel deep inside of her? Hmmmmmm???? Could it be ... YOUR PENIS????
Note: The last two comments by me are much funnier if you read them in the Church Lady voice. Note #2: Not sure exactly why I chose to go in this direction here, but I'm gonna stick with it.
Waited on a line of greens and blues / Just to be the next to be with you
What precisely is green and blue? Could it be ... uh, OK, that doesn't work.
In fact, I have no clue what this lyric is supposed to be about. "A line of greens and blues"? Also, the idea of a man "waiting on a line" to be the next to be with a woman reminds me of this lovely woman who apparently slept with 620 men in one day, only to be thwarted by an even classier lady who went all the way to 919. (Is that really possible? The source of this information is the German newspaper "Die Welt," which was founded by Theodore Herzl and appears to be at least somewhat reputable. If you will it, it is no dream, I suppose.)
Build up your confidence / so you can be on top for once
Are we talking about sexual positions here? I think we are. This song is dirty, dirty, dirty!
Wake up, who cares about / Little boys that talk too much
Hmm, maybe the person to whom this song is addressed is, in fact, a little girl. "Creepiness" and "criminal activity" tags? I think so.
I've seen it all go down
"Go down." My mind is officially in the gutter.
Your game of love was all rained out
This might be in the top 10 worst lyrics out of all the songs I've posted. And it's not even a double entendre! Or ... wait a minute ... ewwwwwww.
So come on baby, come on over / Let me be the one to hold you
Break it down!
Why be alone when we can be together baby / You can make my life worthwhile / I can make you start to smile
Yes, that's right ... he can make you start to smile .... with ...
wait for it ...
HIS PENIS!!!!
Congratulations, people! We did it! Most vulgar post yet, narrowly edging out this one. Good night, Tokyo!
Showing posts with label Viagra. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Viagra. Show all posts
Friday, September 11, 2009
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
REO Speedwagon -- "Keep on Loving You"
First of all, check out this video and tell me that Kevin Cronin (who now apparently favors short spiky dyed-blond hair over this shaggy afro) doesn't look like some kind of goofy love child of Andy Samberg and Michael Showalter. Also, can anyone tell me what game the two band members are playing at about the 1:15 mark? It looks sort of fun.
Etc., etc.!
You should've seen by the look in my eyes, baby / There was somethin' missin'
I want to say right off the bat that this song is just entirely incoherent. When I started this post I could only really remember the chorus, and I was going to have such a good time making Viagra jokes (always comedy gold) and warning Kevin Cronin that he should potentially see a doctor, as I am wont to do. However, after reading and re-reading the two verses, I can honestly say that I really don't know what this is supposed to be about. It is definitely not about wanting to have sex all night, which meaning is what I had initially hoped for.
You should've known by the tone of my voice, maybe / But you didn't listen
This is kind of vaguely threatening taken on its own. So, this song is definitely about a relationship gone bad. I can say that much for sure. Still a little dicey on the details though.
You played dead / But you never bled / Instead you lay still in the grass / All coiled up and hissin'
?!
I had no clue Cronin sang this here, but now every time I hear this part of the song I will giggle. And what are we talking about here? I'm tired. So, so tired.
And though I know all about those men / Still I don't remember / Cause it was us baby, way before then / And we're still together
What does it say about this song that I have literally no idea whether the last line should contain the word "were" or "we're"?
And I meant, every word I said / When I said that I love you I meant that I love you forever
Actually, this lyric is not bad, just awesome. It almost makes me cry. Seriously. I don't care that the rest of the song makes very little sense and thus there is no context in which to place it. Just apply it to whatever personal situation you want to think of. I'm sure we all have lost loves of whom we often think, wondering how our lives would be had things only worked out differently ... hang on, I'm getting a call from my agent.
(ring, ring)
Hello? .... What do you mean, what am I doing? .... Yes, I'm aware that my blog is supposed to be humorous -- what are you trying to say? .... Well, I'm just feeling a little sentimental right now because I've been listening to REO Speedwagon over and over again, and there were some funny bits in the beginning anyway, weren't there? And how can you even read the post yet because I'm still .... I see. .... Well, I'm sorry you feel that way. .... Fuck you too! .... .... .... Yes, I'm still coming over for dinner on Thursday. Say hi to your mother for me.
Ahem! I'm back. What was I saying?
And I'm gonna keep on lovin you / Cause it's the only thing I wanna do / I don't wanna sleep / I just wanna keep on lovin you
(Attempts to summon the will to make amusing Viagra joke, bursts into tears, shuts down computer and runs sobbing out the front door)
(Tears off shirt in the middle of the street and reaches toward the sky a la Tim Robbins in The Shawshank Redemption)
(Is immediately arrested)
Etc., etc.!
You should've seen by the look in my eyes, baby / There was somethin' missin'
I want to say right off the bat that this song is just entirely incoherent. When I started this post I could only really remember the chorus, and I was going to have such a good time making Viagra jokes (always comedy gold) and warning Kevin Cronin that he should potentially see a doctor, as I am wont to do. However, after reading and re-reading the two verses, I can honestly say that I really don't know what this is supposed to be about. It is definitely not about wanting to have sex all night, which meaning is what I had initially hoped for.
You should've known by the tone of my voice, maybe / But you didn't listen
This is kind of vaguely threatening taken on its own. So, this song is definitely about a relationship gone bad. I can say that much for sure. Still a little dicey on the details though.
You played dead / But you never bled / Instead you lay still in the grass / All coiled up and hissin'
?!
I had no clue Cronin sang this here, but now every time I hear this part of the song I will giggle. And what are we talking about here? I'm tired. So, so tired.
And though I know all about those men / Still I don't remember / Cause it was us baby, way before then / And we're still together
What does it say about this song that I have literally no idea whether the last line should contain the word "were" or "we're"?
And I meant, every word I said / When I said that I love you I meant that I love you forever
Actually, this lyric is not bad, just awesome. It almost makes me cry. Seriously. I don't care that the rest of the song makes very little sense and thus there is no context in which to place it. Just apply it to whatever personal situation you want to think of. I'm sure we all have lost loves of whom we often think, wondering how our lives would be had things only worked out differently ... hang on, I'm getting a call from my agent.
(ring, ring)
Hello? .... What do you mean, what am I doing? .... Yes, I'm aware that my blog is supposed to be humorous -- what are you trying to say? .... Well, I'm just feeling a little sentimental right now because I've been listening to REO Speedwagon over and over again, and there were some funny bits in the beginning anyway, weren't there? And how can you even read the post yet because I'm still .... I see. .... Well, I'm sorry you feel that way. .... Fuck you too! .... .... .... Yes, I'm still coming over for dinner on Thursday. Say hi to your mother for me.
Ahem! I'm back. What was I saying?
And I'm gonna keep on lovin you / Cause it's the only thing I wanna do / I don't wanna sleep / I just wanna keep on lovin you
(Attempts to summon the will to make amusing Viagra joke, bursts into tears, shuts down computer and runs sobbing out the front door)
(Tears off shirt in the middle of the street and reaches toward the sky a la Tim Robbins in The Shawshank Redemption)
(Is immediately arrested)
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Eddie Money -- "Take Me Home Tonight"
This is as good a place as any to get started, I suppose.
I feel a hunger / It's a hunger that tries to keep a man awake at night
Right off the bat, Mr. Money is having a little trouble. Here he assigns a curious motivation to the unfortunate human condition of hunger. Hunger does not try to keep a person awake at night, it is that person's brain's special way of telling the person that he or she will face extreme weakness or death if he or she does not consume nutrients. Next line!
Are you the answer? / I shouldn't wonder when I feel you whet my appetite
I take this as meaning that our hero is hungry for sexual intercourse and will engage in it thoughtlessly and indiscriminately. Going back to the "hunger" metaphor, this is the equivalent of not wondering whether drinking motor oil or eating live scorpions is "the answer" as long as it whets the appetite. (Which, admittedly, it may not.)
With all the power you're releasing / It isn't safe to walk the city streets alone
Our protagonist's unnamed paramour may actually be Marvel Comics supervillain Electro.
Anticipation is running through me / Let's find the key and turn this engine on
"The key" may refer to Viagra, or more likely some primitive version of the drug, since it didn't become available for more than a decade after this song was released. The "engine," naturally, is Eddie Money's penis.
I can feel you breathe / I can feel your heart beat faster
According to WebMD.com, rapid/deep breathing combined with a rapid heart rate could indicate, inter alia, supraventricular tachycardia (huh?), acute kidney failure (uh-oh), anemia (yikes), hyperthyroidism (sounds bad), cocaine abuse, or a drug overdose (hmmmmm). This woman should probably consult a physician.
Take me home tonight / I don't want to let you go till you see the light / Take me home tonight
When they get home, these two will engage in foreplay until she "sees the light," i.e., realizes that Eddie Money is a sleazy dirtbag who will fuck anything that moves (see above).
Listen honey / Just like Ronnie sang: Female vocal: Be my little baby!
"Ronnie" refers to Ronnie Spector. The relationship depicted in this song will most likely work out just about as well as Ronnie's relationship with her husband, Phil.
OK, this goes on for quite a while longer, but I think you get the point. Great song.
I feel a hunger / It's a hunger that tries to keep a man awake at night
Right off the bat, Mr. Money is having a little trouble. Here he assigns a curious motivation to the unfortunate human condition of hunger. Hunger does not try to keep a person awake at night, it is that person's brain's special way of telling the person that he or she will face extreme weakness or death if he or she does not consume nutrients. Next line!
Are you the answer? / I shouldn't wonder when I feel you whet my appetite
I take this as meaning that our hero is hungry for sexual intercourse and will engage in it thoughtlessly and indiscriminately. Going back to the "hunger" metaphor, this is the equivalent of not wondering whether drinking motor oil or eating live scorpions is "the answer" as long as it whets the appetite. (Which, admittedly, it may not.)
With all the power you're releasing / It isn't safe to walk the city streets alone
Our protagonist's unnamed paramour may actually be Marvel Comics supervillain Electro.
Anticipation is running through me / Let's find the key and turn this engine on
"The key" may refer to Viagra, or more likely some primitive version of the drug, since it didn't become available for more than a decade after this song was released. The "engine," naturally, is Eddie Money's penis.
I can feel you breathe / I can feel your heart beat faster
According to WebMD.com, rapid/deep breathing combined with a rapid heart rate could indicate, inter alia, supraventricular tachycardia (huh?), acute kidney failure (uh-oh), anemia (yikes), hyperthyroidism (sounds bad), cocaine abuse, or a drug overdose (hmmmmm). This woman should probably consult a physician.
Take me home tonight / I don't want to let you go till you see the light / Take me home tonight
When they get home, these two will engage in foreplay until she "sees the light," i.e., realizes that Eddie Money is a sleazy dirtbag who will fuck anything that moves (see above).
Listen honey / Just like Ronnie sang: Female vocal: Be my little baby!
"Ronnie" refers to Ronnie Spector. The relationship depicted in this song will most likely work out just about as well as Ronnie's relationship with her husband, Phil.
OK, this goes on for quite a while longer, but I think you get the point. Great song.
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